Please Don't Leave Me
by alwaysbringback-up
Summary: Love. It is such a powerful thing that can drive us to make the ultimate sacrifice. When Kate and Rick find themselves in a life or death situation, they are both faced with a choice. Castle does the unthinkable. Caskett/Esplanie pairing.
1. Please Don't Leave Me

Title: Please Don't Leave Me

Category: TV Shows » Castle  
>Author: Greygirl03<br>Language: English, Rating: Rated: M  
>Genre: DramaSuspense

Chapter 1: Please Don't Leave Me

**_Disclaimer: Sadly the amazing show that is Castle does not belong to me, nor does Natan Fillion (as amazing as he his)!_**

_**A/N: Okay, guys, so here it is. Another new story. I know...I have a serious problem, but my writing always comes sporadically. Anyway, this story has become like my very own baby in every sense of the world. I've put a hell of a lot into the first couple chapters of this story. I've edited it over and over and over again until I'm pretty sure I've read it like a hundred times (though there are always little mistakes that elude me at the time). It's meant to be purely fictional and for that reason it's slightly AU. It is also meant to take place at some point after they've been together for a while so I hope that is conveyed through their expressed emotions (specifically, i like to think that this could be related to another one-shot I wrote called Permanent). **_

_**I will go into more depth about how they came to be where they are. But for some reason, I like to drop my readers into the thick of it. I want you to feel like you're there and disorientation has a lot to do with it. I just hope you really like this story. I think it's safe to say that you're going to want to freak out at me for the cliffhanger. I usually don't do things like that to my readers, or if I do I try to resolve it by the chapter's end. However, in this case, the story was written around it. I am happy to say chapter two is already written and is sitting on my hard drive safe and sound. So enjoy this while it's up and I'll try to post the other chapter tomorrow. I also posted another one-shot tonight, and edited (and refined) one of my other stories, Disaster Button. I'm very proud of that particular story even though it didn't get many reviews. I hate to advertise myself in my own stories, but seriously, if you haven't read that one, please check it out and drop a couple of reviews.**_

Without further ado... the story!

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><p>Kate jolted awake with a violent shiver as the loud creak of rusty metal filled the otherwise silent space around her and echoed off the wall's of the cold, dank basement. By the time she opened her eyes, her heartbeat was already thundering deafeningly in her ears. It was nearly pitched black, and cold concrete under her made it nearly impossible to stay warm. Her body convulsed in violent shivers as it struggled to warm itself. Somehow, during the course of her borderline state of nightmare and reality she had curled into a tiny ball, eerily resembling the fetal position. Her own arms wrapped around her own midsection tightly, as she was left clinging, and begging for warmth. She had only felt this cold once before, but at least then she had been in the comfort of Castle's strong protective arms. Just as soon as that thought crossed her mind, the guilt poured in. She felt immensely guilty for her betrayal, for allowing herself to surrender to sleep when she had been fighting it for so long. She could only imagine the sort of awful things that had been happening to the man she loved while she slept. She felt weak, and wished more than anything that she could have been stronger for him. She wished more than anything that she could stop it. Quickly she pushed herself up off the floor with faltering, shaking arms. On a normal day she could do hundreds of push-ups, after four days without food or drink, however, she could hardly push herself up off of the floor.<p>

"Drop him over there in the corner," one of the men commanded as they shuffled into the pitch-black room. Kate winced, squeezing her eyes shut. She made the mistake of breathing through her nostrils. The cell they were being held in was dank and smelled of stale, moldy air that brought her to the edge of being sick. The smell grew worse with each passing day.

Kate's shackled hands, clenched into fists as she wished more than anything to do harm to the men who had done so much harm to her and her love. Without breathing she watched as three men shrouded under the veil of dark shadows in the room dropped a motionless body onto the floor, with little care as to its well-being. Kate's eyes opened wider as she strained to see whether the man they had just not so kindly deposited on the floor was still breathing. The coarse sound of chains dragging on the uneven concrete floor had her on edge as she struggled against her own restraints. She watched as chains were fastened around Castle's motionless limbs. As if he would be able to move, let alone free himself from where they currently found themselves as prisoners. She closed her eyes and choked back bitter tears as she felt her own pain and the other emotions bubbling up past the edge of her threshold. Her resolve wavered for a moment and she wasn't sure if she could handle things anymore. It was all about endurance. She just had to endure past the pain, ignore the ache overtaking every inch of her own body as it started metabolizing itself to keep her alive. If she could just bear it for a little longer, they would be okay. Someone would come for them. Somehow, Esposito and Ryan would find them.

She locked her jaw and gritted her teeth together as she waited anxiously for the three men to depart from the cell and leave them in peace. It seemed to take them forever to leave. Another agonizingly long second and the metal door was slamming shut with the coarse sound of metal on metal, born from the bar sliding down to lock them inside. Kate's face scrunched up as she choked back a sob that threatened to break forth. How had this happened? How had they fallen into this trap? It wasn't like her to go into things so carelessly, without thinking things through. Now, they were prisoners of the most unspeakable scum of New York City, and facing death once again. It's not like they hadn't been in positions like this before. Only now, they had left no breadcrumbs to follow. Their only hope was a text that Castle tried to send as they were dragged from an isolated location.

She closed her eyes for a long moment. Kate could scarcely breath as with immense effort, she slowly crawled over, straining against the heavy chains, which only seemed to grow heavier with each hour that passed by without food and water. Her muscles cried out in pain almost as if they had a voice of their own. They burned like fire with her movements; they quivered and begged for her to be still. They begged for relief. But there was no way she was going to stay there, a half a cell away, wondering if her partner was still breathing. Racing thoughts had Kate breaking out into a fresh bout of tears. Everything was so silent, and he was so still. She had to face the possibility that she was going to lose her love, her life, Castle. Kate cried out in frustration as her slack ran out a little more than a foot away from his body and she realized that she couldn't reach him. Tears of frustration threatened to seep from her eyes as she strained harder and harder against them.

In the darkness, she couldn't see his chest rise and fall. This only seemed to add to her distress. Slowly, she ran her hands over the concrete, trying to find an even surface. She pulled herself along slowly, by the forearms, letting her stomach and legs drag on the floor. She was dirty as can be, covered in dirt, and sweat, and tears.

When she finally could distinguish him against the darkness, Kate instinctively reached for him, waiting for him to meet her halfway. She panicked when he remained motionless.

"Castle," Kate cried out into the darkness. "Castle! Wake up!" Kate nearly screamed, perhaps a little louder than necessary, but she couldn't help it as she was in such distress. Growing more disheartened with every second that ticked by, Kate let out a loud and feral cry as she pulled harder at her restraints, unwilling to accept her current state. She pulled with everything she had, every ounce of strength. She would do whatever it takes to touch him. She didn't care if she had to pull her arm out of its socket to do it. With a desperate tug she was granted a few more inches. Kate felt a calm resolve take over as her hand grazed his. Kate strained more, trying to gain just a few more inches. She had to check for breathing sounds, for a heartbeat. Slowly, she lowered her cheek over Castle's face, praying to feel the faintest wisp of breath on her face. She felt no warmth in the biting, chilly air.

"No," the word of denial was forceful, and full of strong will. She would not let this happen. She wasn't going to lose the man she loved more than she thought she could love anyone.

"Please…Please don't do this," Kate started to beg quietly. "Please Castle. You cannot leave me here by myself… You promised. You promised that you would always be at my side. You promised that you'd always be here for me." Kate tried to keep the severest of emotions out of her voice. But she was immensely afraid…. probably more afraid than she had ever been in her whole life. And that was saying something. She and Castle had shared plenty moments where neither one of them was sure how to get out of some troublesome situation. Too many, in fact. They had run through bullets raining down on them, they had stood next to a bomb that could have wiped out half of the city and lived to tell the tale. In many ways, their cleverness and improvisational skills had gotten them through it all. This however, was something entirely different. This…this could not be their downfall. They deserved better than this.

"Castle," Kate hardly breathed as she squeezed his hand again, trying to get him to respond in any way she knew how. She had to wake him. She needed to keep him conscious, otherwise there was a good chance his body could not fight the cold, and he would freeze to death. Given the state of things, there was an even better chance that he would never wake up due to some unforeseen head injury. She couldn't imagine the sort of injuries his body had sustained during his prolonged brutal beatings. Kate sucked air into her lungs as she realized that his hands were so cold already, and stiff. She squeezed her eyes shut, trying her best not to see the bruises that riddled nearly every inch of Castle's skin. She reached over for his side, starting to shake him in hopes she'd get a better response.

"Castle, don't you dare do this to me. You're scaring me," Kate's voice shook as she gritted her teeth together. She could not keep her hands from shaking. Her voice was raw as she spoke her next words. "Please. I-I need you. I need you so much. God, I-I'm so scared. Please. I need you to be here with me. I need to see your eyes. Damn it, Castle. Please wake up." Kate's eyes shot open, as a groan seemed to fill the air, sounding as if it were coming from the depths of Castle's soul.

Castle rolled closer to her, almost as if he knew that her comforting touch was close by. Kate tried to aid him. In a heart stopping moment he stopped as she ran her hands over his body. They trembled worse than ever before. She realized that she had to check for injuries but she was seriously afraid of hurting him and causing him more pain. Finally, she brushed her cold, dirt covered hands softly along the contours of his face, unable to keep herself from touching him. Her touch was gentle, tender. Another groan of agony slipped through Castle's lips. "Shh…I'm here," Kate whispered soothingly, doing her best to keep him calm and relaxed. "It's okay, Castle, I'm here." Kate brushed her forehead against his willing him to open his eyes. "I'm right here and I'm not going to go anywhere. Now, I need you to promise me the same thing. Please don't leave me. Please… I-I don't think I can do it on my own." Her wish was granted as his eyelids flickered open several times, as another groan fell from parting lips. His eyes were clouded, dazed. She looked into his eyes, trying to gauge whether or not he had sustained a serious head injury. It was encouraging enough to look into the depths of such clear blue eyes. On any given day, they could take her breath away. Today, they were what she clung to for hope. She needed to see those eyes of his. They were the only things that could offer her comfort. "Shh…I know," Kate's voice was rough and broken. He was trying to be quiet, but could not stop his body's quavering and his own suppressed cries. It ripped her apart. He did not deserve this. No one did. She would never wish any of these things on her worst enemy. "Shh. It's okay. It's gonna be okay," Kate swallowed as reached up to brush away her own traitorous tears.

Hardly any bruises riddled her skin, and she resented their captors for it. They seemed to know who was the weakest link of the pair. Perhaps, they also knew what beating Castle would do to her emotionally. After all, he was her true weakness. She loved him. They had only been together for a short time, but she already knew that he was a permanent fixture in her life. She wanted him at her side, wherever life took her. Hell, she wouldn't have admitted it out loud to anyone, but she could see herself walking down the aisle towards him. Just a week ago, for the first time, she had torn a picture of a wedding gown out of one of her magazines, allowing herself to fantasize. It was the perfect dress for her. Not overly feminine, but stunning enough to take anyone's breath away. She still hoped, in the back of her mind, that she would get the chance to wear it some day. Only now, that was dependent on some very important factors. One of which was making it out of there alive.

Their captor's obvious goal was to break Castle first. They kept beating him and torturing him around the clock, hardly giving him a chance to breath and recover in-between sessions. It was obvious that they thought that he was the weaker of the two links, although they clearly underestimated his strength and resolve. He was so deeply lethargic at this point that she was sure they would be shifting gears soon. They'd go after her next, and would be even less successful. One thing they didn't seem to know about Kate Beckett, was that she knew how to take a good punch or two. She knew how to break the worst of the worst into little pieces. She could only hope that she might get a chance at them at some point in the near future.

Castle whimpered again. It was sad, how he sounded like a wounded puppy. And although he tried to hold back the noises in the back of his throat, he couldn't. He'd never felt pain like this before in his life. Kate's heart ached with his pain. It wasn't fair. She was desperate to take away his pain. She would do anything to ease it the smallest fraction.

"Baby, what can I do?" Kate breathed, looking into the depths of his eyes. Castle squeezed his eyes shut, shaking his had back and forth. He tried to tell her, under his breath, that he was fine. He tried to tell her not to worry. Kate couldn't bear it. His pride should not be more important than alleviating his pain.

"No. Don't pull that shit with me. Castle, please tell me what I can do to help." Castle's head lolled back and forth on the floor, as his body struggled to cope with the copious amount of pain signals that nerves from all over his body were sending to his brain. Exhaustion and the extent of his injuries were making it hard to comprehend what was going on. "Please. Castle…," Kate choked back sobs as she became visibly upset, "I can't…. I can't see you like this anymore. I-It's killing me. Please. Just…let me help. Tell me what I can do."

"Kate," Castle choked out in a cough that echoed around the room.

"Don't you dare to try to tell me you're okay," Kate breathed between tears. "Rick…"

"You don't realize it, do you?" Castle breathed, "Kate, you're already doing everything I need you to do just by being here." Castle tried to take a deep breath, wincing at the unbearable pain in his left side from several broken ribs. "All I want or need right now is you."

"I'm sorry. It just feels like it's not enough," Kate reached up to wipe away some of her own tears. "You're hurt and there's nothing I can do but hold you?"

"Shh," Castle tried to interrupt. "Just stay with me. I'll be all right. Just as long as you're with me. I'll be okay."

"I'm with you. I-I promise I'm not going anywhere," Kate breathed softly as she raked her fingers gently through his hair in a soothing manner. Castle's hand lifted off the ground, trying to wrap around her body to hold her close to him. Kate's body, though she felt personally as if she were freezing, was actually very warm compared to the icy cold air of the unheated basement. Carefully, she started running her hands up and down his sides, trying to use friction to warm him. She could feel his body convulse, with shivers. She could also feel muscles tighten as pain wracked through his body. In some cases, his body flinched away from touch instinctively. She tried to keep him to stay still.

"T-There," she breathed, as Castle stopped shivering so violently, "Is that better?"

"Y-Yes," Castle breathed weakly, "Thank you."

With her heart still beating erratically in her chest, Kate nuzzled Castle gently. She tried very hard to imagine them in another place in her mind. She drifted back in time, to when she was cuddled up against Castle under the warm duvet of Castle's king size bed after a long night of passionate lovemaking. There were nights after they made love that they would stay up and simply hold one another, taking turns to breath the other in. Kate was in love with the way Castle smelled. Usually, he wore an expensive cologne that she could only assume was way above her pay grade, but she was in love with it. After their lovemaking, Kate found his sweet scent, mingling with the smell of arousal extremely comforting. There were so many feelings the man instilled in her. Castle, unlike anyone else, made her feel more alive whenever she was with him. Perhaps it was his childlike personality and the way that he could make her laugh on a whim. But it was also the way that he could play her like an instrument when the situation warranted it. He knew just where to touch her, and how. He applied just the right pleasure, while doing so tenderly. He was the first boyfriend in her life that made her sure that she had a purpose. He loved her for everything she was. He loved her despite the fact that he constantly had to fight to get her to open up to him. He loved her in spite of all of her faults. He was everything she'd ever wanted in her life. To find love after she had been searching for it for so very long was relief. If only she had known how truly wonderful that it could be to have a partner, a confidant, she would have allowed someone inside a long time ago. Her philosophy had always been to keep one foot out the door in order to keep herself from getting hurt, especially after the first man she loved, chose his job over her and moved away. Unfortunately, this approach only seemed to interfere with her ability to trust or to let anyone in to the depths of her heart. Castle, though she still wasn't sure how, had somehow managed to weasel his way into her heart. Part of her was glad for his persistence and unwillingness to leave her alone. What was even more important was that Castle always had faith in her, no matter what the situation, and he made her feel extraordinary. Kate took a deep breath, trying to still her heart and ease the pain in her chest. "I love you," the words slipped passed her lips before she could stop them. Castle's breathing hitched as they registered in Castle's mind. He swallowed over the obstruction in his throat. He squeezed his eyes shut. Those words were both bitter and sweet. He couldn't have told you how long he'd waited to hear those words. To hear them now, only caused him more heartache. He could only figure that Kate was telling him this because she was afraid that he might die, and that only pained him more. This wasn't how he wanted to remember the moment. He silently wished she would take it back.

"Katie," the name carried so much weight and emotion. The way he said it, as if it were almost a plea, as if he wanted her to rescind the statement. It made her pause.

"That's not exactly the response I was hoping for," Kate joked softly.

"Please," Castle brushed his thumb over her cheek. "Not here." For a breath, her chest tightly constricted and she suddenly felt incredibly wounded. A look of hurt flashed across her features as she felt the rejection. Castle quickly picked up on this because he tried to hold her closer as she tried to pull away.

"Kate," Castle's voice was barely above a whisper. "Wait. Please. I think you misunderstood."

"No. I'm pretty sure that I read you perfectly clearly. Now let me go," Kate ordered, fighting him off. He cried out as he attempted to hang on to her, but was far too weak, and was no match for her strength. Instead, he only caused himself more pain. The cold he felt move between them had him resigning to defeat. She didn't understand. Within seconds she was moving away from him, leaving him wishing that he had a sock to put in his mouth. Long minutes of agonizing silence passed. After one last pining look, Castle let out a defeated sigh and rolled so that he was facing away from her. He closed his eyes, hoping that he would be fortunate enough to fall asleep. He was so tired it was hard to keep his eyes open. It seemed like every time he passed into sleep, he was being woken up for more beatings. Part of him was afraid to fall asleep. He was so tired he felt like he might not wake.

On the other side of the cell, Kate immediately regretted her decision. She curled up in a ball as she sat down on the only mattress in the entire room. She stared at Castle's back. She tried to interest her with various things about their room but it was too dark. Besides, most of the peculiar things about the room had already been discovered days ago.

Kate thought long and hard about their relationship. For some reason, she was struggling to remember whether the "I love yous" had been exchanged between them yet, only to realize that they had not yet been exchanged. She squeezed her eyes shut and swore under her breath in Russian. She had just broken the barrier. Her heart fell as she realized why Castle wished she hadn't said it. It wasn't because he didn't feel the same way, but rather, it was because he didn't want what should have otherwise been a perfect and tender moment, to become an unpleasant memory or something scarring for the both of them. He wasn't afraid of the word's significance, but rather, the implications of the consequences they would suffer if their captor's realized how truly deep their feelings for one another lie. He was afraid if the sheer depth of their feelings for one another were discovered, that it would be catastrophic. He didn't want them to target her in any way. Exposing their feelings might lead that to happen.

Kate swallowed as more tears of frustration streamed down her cheeks. She hated it. Everything about this situation was ruining them. She'd been waiting to tell him those words for weeks and had never been able to voice them aloud. It was as if some unspoken agreement had been reached between them. There was no pressure on the part of Castle to say those words. He accepted that she would tell him when she was ready. Kate loved Castle and now his first memory of her telling him so would be associated with the horror they were going through. Kate took a deep breath, swallowing her own pride and guilt, before she slowly began to crawl back over to where Castle lay sleeping on the floor.

"Castle," Kate whispered, her hand brushed the back of his shoulder, near his shoulder blade. Castle's eyes opened, but he didn't move. "Castle, I'm sorry."

"Forget it," he choked out, closing his eyes again.

"No," Kate said sternly. "I'm not taking it back. I…I mean it. I've been waiting to tell you for so long." Kate's voice broke as she tried to get him to turn towards her. "But I'm sorry. This is not the right time or place to say it." Kate breathed as she wrapped her arms around him to the best of her ability. "So I guess we're just going to have to pretend that the next time is the first time." Slowly Castle rolled onto his back. Kate sidled up so that she was looking down on him.

"I feel the same way, you know?" Castle whispered softly.

For a long moment, the two of them locked eyes once more, and they realized that they were powerless to stop it. They had denied themselves too many times already over the last few days and in the weeks before. There had always been a reason to keep their relationship under the radar. First, there was the fact that they were afraid the media would catch wind and thrust Kate into a spotlight that she clearly didn't want. Then there was also the matter of their professional relationship. The only times they had together were in secret. And those times that they truly let themselves feel had been heaven. Now they were afraid that were running out of time, and neither was sure that they had the strength to hold back how they felt anymore. It was hard to believe that it had only been several months, since their first night together. They had been trying to keep it under wraps at work, and so naturally everybody knew about it, including Martha and Alexis.

"Castle," Kate breathed, her warm breath painting his face, as she held him. He tried turning away shyly but he was too weak. She saw the pain and affliction in his eyes. The crystal clear blue eyes were incredibly conflicted. He was afraid of getting too close in case this was the end. He didn't want their captors to see how much he cared for Kate out of fear they'd use it against him. She knew it because it was exactly what they were doing to her.

"Tell me to stop," Kate begged, "Please. Tell me to stop and I will."

"You know that I can't do that," Castle replied painfully. "God, please…Kate, I can't. You're everything to me. Just the way you say my name makes me powerless….." Kate's eyes welled with tears as Castle exhausted all his effort to lift a hand to her face in a gentle caress. She closed her eyes as he ran his thumb over her lower lip, prolonging the moment. He looked into the depths of her eyes, nearly forgetting the context of the moment. It was all Kate needed. With a feather-like touch, Kate brushed her lips against Castle's lips. She tried to be gentle due to the deep gash where his lip had been split apart. For a heartbeat, the kiss deepened, became almost desperate as Kate struggled to offer Castle the comfort he needed.

"We're going to get through this," Kate tried to reassure him. "Castle, you can't give up on me now. Please…" Kate jumped as she heard footsteps, and then the creak of the door as it was wrenched open.

"No," Kate said as they pulled her away from him, "It's too soon." She lashed out with one of her shackled hands and someone backhanded her hard across the face. She tried not to cry out, but as they struck her again, Castle was the one who couldn't help it.

"Stop it!" Castle's voice was hostile, and full of bitterness. "Leave her alone! Don't touch her!" Kate let out another feral growl as they threw her to the ground. She was about to strike the man again but stopped as they watched one of the men wrench Castle to his knees, the barrel of a pistol pressing hard into Castle's temple. Kate couldn't hold back the tears anymore as her eyes met his. What made thing worse was that he looked more apologetic than anything else. Kate sprang forwards as the man lifted the handle then brought it down hard on the back of Castle's head, causing him to crumple back onto the ground. Kate fought back strong arms as they pulled her inch-by-inch out of the room.

A few minutes later, her head was being shoved repeatedly under brutally cold water as they continued to scream at her. She knew that they were not empty threats but wasn't about to let them win. She tried her best not to suck in the water, but as she was let up less and less for extended periods of time, she had no choice. From what Ryan had told her about his torture session, he hadn't withheld anything. The burning in her lungs hurt like you wouldn't believe, and that is not even mentioning the hundreds of tiny knives that felt like they being shoved into her skin. Part of her wished that her temperature and pain receptors would just stop sending signals to her brain.

"Just tell me what I want to know, and this can all be over," one of the cronies heckled as he grabbed the back of her head rather roughly, shoving her under just one more time for good measure.

"Do you really think I'm that stupid?" Kate taunted as they let her up. "We both know that you're just going to kill us both in the end. I'm not telling you a damn thing. So enjoy it while it lasts…because Ryan and Esposito are looking for us and you don't have much time left…"

"The only way you'll be leaving our company is in a body bag," he hissed, "I'm sure you know those well, don't you?"

"Please," Kate rasped, "There has to be some sort of arrangement we can make. Most of this is all just a misunderstanding. We stumbled onto things accidentally. We have no intention of leaking the information."

"Perhaps if you actually had any donations to contribute to our operation as a gesture of good faith, then we might be able to talk," the man spoke mockingly, "….but on a street rat's salary such as your own, you've got nothing to offer. Too bad." A beat. "Although, I might be willing to consider another gesture of good faith. You look like you would be pretty good in the sack, yeah? Or at least the man you're with seems to think so." His expression was menacing as he added. "The funny thing is, that I can't imagine he could possibly fulfill all of your special needs."

"You'd be surprised," Kate bit back coldly, "I assure you, he's ten times the man you will ever be."

"That's a shame," the man shook his head. "But whatever…it's your funeral. You just let me know if you ever change your mind."

"I'd die first, before I would EVER give anything to you," Kate punctuated the statement with some spit in his face, "You chauvinistic pig." She spoke the last few words in perfect Russian just for good measure. She liked to see men come unhinged from the inside out when they felt disrespected. It was too easy, really, to get under their skin. These cronies were nothing more than punks overflowing with testosterone. They always had something to prove. Which is why, she knew exactly the type of punishment she'd receive. She wanted to hurt. She wanted to feel pain, and they were going to foolishly give her what she wanted. Was it morbidly masochistic? Yes. But was it also beating them at their own game? Perhaps.

She tried not to make a sound as two of the thugs pulled her out of the chair and held her down against the unforgiving concrete floor while the other hit her again and again and again. She bit down hard on her lip, gritting her jaw together so as to not scream, when the blows became more painful. Kicks to her stomach left her tasting iron in her mouth and she spit it out onto the concrete. They wanted her to scream and she wasn't going to let them win. She couldn't. Still, she couldn't hold back the grunts and moans that passed from her parting lips as she gasped for air. After a while, she had no energy left and stopped fighting the weight pushing down on her shoulders and just laid there, taking the beating as best as she could. After a while, the first man ran out of wind and let one of the others take over. She had no perception as to the amount of time that had passed, but it felt like an eternity. Part of her feared that it would never stop.

Kate's feet wouldn't support her as they dragged her down the hall, and back to the frigid icebox she and Castle were being kept in. Castle was curled up against the wall and a small stream of blood was trickling down the side of his face. Kate was relieved to see that he was awake. His eyes followed her movements as they dragged her across the room and dropped her to the floor. For the first time since they were kept there, Kate looked worse for wear. Kate crumpled onto the floor, staring at the imperfections in the concrete under her left cheek as she waited for the men to leave them in piece. A couple more minutes of commotion and they were left in deafening silence.

Slowly Kate crawled over the concrete settling against the wall next to Castle. Wordlessly, Castle pulled her into his arms. Kate closed her eyes as her head settled against his chest. With the gentlest touch he ran his thumb over her bruised jaw, leaning over to kiss it with his lips. "Does it hurt?" the sound of agony and pain in his voice was almost too much. Kate could tell that he blamed himself for being powerless to protect her… The fact is, he was just as powerless as she was to stop any of it.

"Not anymore," Kate breathed honestly, kissing him softly. He continued to soothe her in every way he could. For a while he ran his hand up and down the skin on the inside of her forearm. At some points, he raked his fingers through her hair in a gentle, soothing, manner.

He could tell that she was losing hope. Carefully and gently, he brushed her hair out of her face, so that he could see her eyes. He knew that she needed him to be the strong one for this moment in time.

"It's going to be okay," Castle whispered into her ear. "We're going to get out of here."

"Castle, you and I have always been able to say anything to one another, haven't we?" Kate replied softly. "I mean…whenever one of us has something to say, then the other listens…."

"Of course," Castle replied concurrently, his Adam's apple bobbing as he swallowed. "I mean…it's usually me sharing one of my pointless, severely off-base theories. But yes, I'd like to think that we have a very open relationship and can tell eachother anything."

"Good," Kate let out a sigh of relief. "So…then how about we be honest and face the truth?" Kate said, holding his gaze with her eyes. Her breath hitched at the numerous gashes and bruises composing much of his jaw and forehead. His right eye was nearly swollen completely shut. And yet, he did not complain.

"No," Castle put a finger to Kate's lips, "Don't say it. Don't make it harder than it is." He let out a pained breath, "I'll admit that we're in quite a precarious situation, but it sure as hell isn't the first one we've ever been in. Ryan and Esposito will come through for us. I know they will!"

"What if they have no idea what happened? Castle, we have no way of knowing if the text ever got sent," Kate tried to reason carefully, "and if it didn't, then Ryan and Esposito will have no idea where to start looking. These thugs are getting impatient, Castle, they probably have orders to kill us, and sure have no qualms about doing as such. They know we know too much already." Kate looked away, unable to look into Castle' eyes as she said the last part. "I'm pretty sure that the only reason we're still alive right now is because of the ransom they're hoping to get for each of us."

"You're giving up hope," Castle said finally as a statement, "Aren't you?" The rhetorical question wasn't really meant to have an answer, but rather, it was meant to be a statement of pure unadulterated fact.

"Don't make it sound like that," Kate breathed painfully. "Castle… Please."

"No," Castle shook his head, pulling away from her slightly. "Look, it's okay if you're giving up. It is. Because you know what? I'm not. I'm not going to give up. Not yet." He paused, looking thoughtful for a moment. "It's obvious that it is what I do. I'm foolishly optimistic. I'm gullible. And I believe in the impossible things in life." Castle swallowed over the dryness in his throat. He could hardly speak due to the degree of its dryness. His entire mouth, lips, tongue, and throat were dry as the desert. "You think I don't realize how ridiculous I can be. Hell, I hold ideas that have no basis in fact, purely for the benefit of my imagination. Because _someone_ has to." Castle pulled his hand away from Kate's grasp, rubbing roughly at his sore jaw. It clicked whenever he opened his mouth, and he could only assume that meant something had been injured. "I can do this. I'm going to figure out a way to get you out of here. I will."

"Castle," Kate's voice was broken under the word. Her heart swelled with his loyalty and his optimism.

"They are not going to lay a hand on you again," Castle breathed bitterly, running his hands ever so gently over her body. "Or so help me god."

"Castle," Kate reached up to stroke the side of his face. "Don't…" Castle and Kate locked eyes once more, warm breath intermingling between them. Both were in insurmountable pain, and both were weak, and hungry, and cold, but they had one another and it was enough to keep them going.

"Kate," Castle swallowed painfully. "There is something I have to tell you. I know we've avoided saying it because of the implications of the word. The weight of it, but I…I do. I love you. I've loved you for the last three years. I-I think I've been in love with you from the day I met you."

"Don't," Kate pleaded softly, tears steadily building in her eyes, "Please." The crystal blue hues of his eyes might have been windows to his soul in that moment. They spoke volumes as to his deepest feelings. "Not here. Don't say it. This isn't the way that I want to have to remember you telling me."

"Katie," Castle sighed. He was sick of his feelings eating him alive. His heart swelled every time he saw her. Flashes of their first kiss swam through his mind. He was so desperate to have her. One more kiss, one more touch would not be enough for him. "I just need you to know how I feel."

"No," Kate swallowed thickly, "Don't do that. Don't say it like something is going to happen. Don't say it like you're going to give up on me."

"I…I'm just so tired," Castle breathed weakly. "Kate…I'm sorry."

"No. Don't be sorry," Kate reached down to take his hand and gave it a squeeze. "I know exactly how you feel," Kate sniffled softly. Castle's eyes closed as he took a deep long breathe. Kate shook him. "No. I need you to stay with me. You can't go to sleep."

"Bur I've felt this way for so long," Castle's deep voice responded. "I can't…I'm so tired."

"I know… I am too," Kate breathed, kissing him softly. She did the only thing she could think of. She pulled him against her, deepening the pressure. This time she took her time, pushing her tongue gently into his mouth as she reached around and slid her fingers into his hair. Foreheads brushed together as they tried to convey their words and feelings through touch. Nothing could take this moment away from them. Nothing. "Castle. I love you." Castle's body shook. He nodded softly to acknowledge he heard her.

When the kiss finally ended, both of their breaths mingled in the cool air between them. Castle's breathing was ragged. His eyes closed as he tried to memorize the taste and the feel of her on his lips. Thoughts raced around and around his mind, as he realized the seriousness of the situation. Kate was right. They would kill them without hesitation, and they would do it without any regard for their suffering. They were being held by those associated with the mob, after all. And there was no way that Castle could sweet talk himself out of this situation. He couldn't imagine anyone hurting Kate, and realized through watching those men strike her earlier that he would rather die than see her harmed. Seeing her cry was like ripping his heart out. There were no words for the agony. Minutes ticked by and Castle held Kate tightly against him. After a while, her breathing evened out, telling him that she had drifted off into sleep, herself. He held her close, feeling as if the moment, the defining moment of their life was drawing near once again. They really had to stop winding up in such unpleasant situations.

Kate jumped awake in a mild panic as the door was thrown open. Castle could see the fear in her eyes. He tried to calm her as best as he could, but she panicked even more as she saw the large rifles draped over the men's shoulders.

"Take her out back," one of the men spoke, Castle pushed his way in front of her and threw up his hands.

"Wait! No! Not her! Take me!" Castle kept Kate behind him. She tried to pull him back to her side, but he wouldn't let her. He had to protect her. He had to, even if it was just this one time. Even if it only delayed her demise a single second.

"Get out of the way!" one of the men hissed as they kicked him in the stomach.

"Wait!" Castle pleaded. "Please! Just hear me out!" One of the men took a step back, aiming the rifle at him. "Easy!...Easy! Don't shoot! Please!"

"Are you ready to talk?" he hissed vehemently. Castle's eyes darted to Kate's shocked expression. She looked frightened. He could clearly see the way her eyes shimmered. She was pleading with him. To her, their integrity mattered more. She felt as if they needed to protect what they knew, and she was afraid they were reaching the point where they were desperate enough to give it up.

"Yes." Castle swallowed, wincing at Kate's sharp intake of breath. Of course, she would see it as a betrayal.

"Castle! No! Don't do this! What the hell are you thinking?" the sound of betrayal in Kate's voice had Castle feeling immense guilt. Castle avoided her eyes. He didn't think he could bear the pain in his chest and the weight on his shoulders.

"What's it going to be?" he asked as his eyes locked with Castle, sizing him up so to speak."

"I'll tell you everything you want to know, but you have to promise me you won't touch her," Castle breathed. He avoided looking at Kate. He knew it would be too painful otherwise. But he was hoping that he could still get her out of this place somehow, and his mind was working overtime as he sought to make it happen. "So…are you going to take me someplace else, or are you going to make me talk in front of the lady?" Castle indicated as he nodded his head in her direction.

"Unchain him," the man in charge, ordered, "take him to the back room. I suppose my friend Castle and I are going to have a nice little chat."

"Castle," Kate tried pleading with him one last time, "Think about what you're doing. Don't do it! Please! Don't tell them anything!" Castle squeezed his eyes shut, as he let himself be pulled up from the floor. He screamed as one of the men pulling him, tweaked his injured shoulder. During one of their many rounds, they had pulled his shoulder out of its socket a few times.

Kate watched with a horrified expression as they dragged Castle out of the room. The minutes she waited for him to return were easily the longest of her life. Every scream that sounded from the adjacent room was like ice in her veins. Her body shook uncontrollably with sobs as she listened to them torture Castle over and over. She jumped clear off of the ground as a shrill cry thundered through the next room, and then deafening silence. She waited without breathing as minutes of silence followed, ticking by torturously slow. She couldn't bear it. And the truth was that they might both die here. They might die without knowing what it was like to be together as they should be.

Castle was dragged into another room and strapped to a chair. He swallowed as the leader of the small group stepped forwards, a short silver blade in his hands. He had a menacing look in his eyes, but Castle was determined to show the man no fear.

"So…" he said as came to a stop a few feet away from Castle. "Let's have it. What is it that you'd like to tell me?"

"Wow," Castle breathed, "You guys are really impatient, aren't you? You don't waste your time with any of the formalities do you? You just cut right to the chase."

"Stop wasting my time," the man hissed as he took a step forwards. "Perhaps, I haven't been clear enough. I don't like people who waste my time." Castle swallowed again.

"Look," Castle gulped. "I'm afraid that I'm having trouble with maintaining coherent thought right now so it might take me a little while."

"You lied to me," the man said angrily. "You're not going to tell me anything…"

"Wait a minute. You…You seriously thought I was going to tell you?" Castle scoffed. "Wow, you're really gullible." Castle let out a quick breath as the man lashed out. Castle tried not to scream as the man applied pressure and ran the blade up his arm, leaving a deep gash. Castle squeezed his eyes shut and locked his jaw tight.

"I will not be screwed with, Mr. Castle," he spat angrily.

"T-That's funny," Castle spoke bravely, "Cause I heard your mom was really easy… I mean she must have hit up half of the city by now."

"You son of a…." This time Castle could not hold back his scream as the man plunged the knife deep into his stomach. He screamed out profanities as the man pulled out the blade.

"You still want to say something else, Mr. Castle?" he asked angrily as he grabbed Castle's jaw tightly in his grip. With his other hand he pressed the blade against the left side of Castle's neck. Castle didn't dare breath, as he looked the other man in the eyes.

"Look," Castle finally managed. "I can't be of much help to you in the way you want. Not until I know that Kate is somewhere safe."

"You know," the man said icily, glaring into Castle's eyes, "This might be a surprise to you, but you're in no position to make any such request. I don't bargain with prisoners."

"Is that so?" Castle asked quietly. "So it really wouldn't matter if I told you that I could compensate you," Castle spoke slowly. "If you let Kate go."

"How so?" this piqued the man's interest.

"You may not be familiar with my identity, but I'm a fairly successful writer," Castle spoke quietly. "I have a fairly large sum in my bank account."

"How much?" the man asked impatiently.

"Three million," Castle expelled in a breath, hoping to see a sign of interest. Within a single second he knew he had the man. He could see the greed in Cavenaugh's eyes. He knew counted on the man's greed and was glad it was working. There was no doubt in Castle's mind. He would take it.

"That's not enough for the both of you," he shook his head.

"But it would be enough for one?" Castle inquired hopefully. Sweat was dripping down his forehead despite the frigid cold around him. He was so close he could almost taste it. He silently prayed it would be good enough.

"I should think so," he replied. Castle instantaneously let out a sigh of relief.

"Okay," Castle choked out. "You'll get half before, and the other half when I know she's okay. I want proof that she's alive and well."

"You're very direct, Mr. Castle," the man spoke with a menacing look in his eyes.

"Forgive me if I don't seem very trusting," Castle spat out. "But I want your word. No one so much as touches her. You let her go and get to keep me and the money."

"As soon as the first money transfer comes through. Yes." He promised. Castle's heart was pounding. He knew it was stupid to bargain with the worst scum imaginable, but it was the only way that he figured he could get Kate out of there safely.

"What's the account number?" the man asked, finally drawing the blade away from Castle's neck and releasing him. Castle rattled off a series of numbers, squeezing his eyes shut. It had to work. It just had to. He needed to know Kate would be safe.

"I'm going to start the transfer," he looked to the man guarding the door. "You sit tight while I check to make sure you have what you say." Castle nodded and swallowed. He shifted slightly as the man departed, and he was left alone with the other guard. He could feel the man's eyes boring into him, analyzing him and so he avoided looking in that direction. It seemed to take forever for him to return.

"Bring him back to his cell," he ordered before stepping out of the room once more. Castle's heart was pounding uncontrollably. He immediately feared that the money hadn't been there. Martha and Alexis might have put a freeze on his accounts due to the fact that he was missing.

Nothing could prepare Kate for when they returned. Blood coated the front of his shirt from what she could only assume was a fresh nose bleed. Her heart started beating faster than she could ever remember as they dropped him onto the floor right next to her.

"What did they do to you?" Kate couldn't keep the quaver out of her voice. "Castle…Hey, Castle, tell me."

"Nothing," Castle choked out quickly, seizing her hands, "I'm fine. Everything is going to be fine."

"What did you tell them?" Kate's eyes studied his, staring into depths of blue. "Castle, it's important. If you told them anything then…"

"Kate," Castle's voice broke under the name. "I didn't tell them anything."

"Then why did you tell them you would talk?" Kate asked with a roughened voice.

"Because I had to protect you," Castle replied. "I had to do something…"

"Castle, I…" Quickly, he pulled her in for a kiss as she ran her hands over his body. Castle nearly screamed into her mouth as she applied pressure over the damp spot of his shirt. "What…did they…" She ripped open his shirt to find the source of his pain. He'd been stabbed. It looked like it was shallow, but he was losing blood now. Lots of it.

"Oh my god," Kate's hands shook uncontrollably as blood seeped out under her fingertips. "No….No no no…." Kate's body started to tremble uncontrollably, as she could no longer hold back her fear, and her love for the man lying under her. "No. You cannot do this to me. You can't…. I won't forgive you if you die on me." Castle's own hands shook as his fingers curled up on themselves into tight fists. Slowly he lifted them, covering Kate's hands with his own. He pulled them away.

"It's okay," Castle tried to reassure her. "It's not deep. It's going to be okay." He was eerily calm, and it scared her to death. "It looks worse than it is. I promise."

"Castle," Kate breathed as she clung to him. She kissed him softly.

"Kate," Caste breathed, "I finally figured out a way to get you out of here."

"Castle," Kate thought that he was merely lethargic. "What are you talking about?"

Kate cried out as strong arms pulled her away from him. She fought against them with everything she had, screaming all the while.

"Get her out of here," the leader spoke bitterly as he walked in. "The monetary transfer went through. He's good for it. Let her go as promised." Kate screamed again as they tried to grab hold of her. "Not so much as a single hair is to be ruffled on her head from here on out. You understand?"

"Yes, sir."

"What? What the hell are you talking about?" Kate's panicked voice echoed around the walls. Kate saw something in the man's expression, causing her eyes to dart back to Castle whom was still looking at her with a calm resolve. Suddenly everything clicked. Castle had done the unthinkable. Castle had bought her freedom. Hers and hers alone. Not his.

"No," Kate's voice broke under the word. Under the implications of what was happening. She could not leave him here. She could not live without him. She clawed her way back to his side, still fighting the hands that were trying to grab her. "What did you do?" she hissed out angrily, tears flowing from her eyes.

"Kate…" Castle's breath hitched as he felt her hand strike his face. Hard. The sound of her hand striking his flesh echoed through the small space of the basement. The burn and tingle of his cheek made him feel. Perhaps for the first time in days, he felt unbearable pain, not just physical but emotional as well. He felt as if his heart was being ripped in two. It wasn't any easier for him to let her go than it was for her to leave him.

"Why? Why are you doing this for me? I don't deserve it anymore than you do! How could you do this? What about your family, Castle? How am I supposed to look them in the eye, knowing that you chose me over yourself?" By the time she finished with the questions she had to ask she was nearly yelling. Deep uncontrollable sobs, wracked through Kate's body as tears continued to seep from her eyes.

"You know why I did this, Kate" Castle answered as emphatically as possible. "You know why I chose you! I did so because I love you. I always have and I always will. And I swore to myself that I would always protect you. If I die serving that purpose, then that's just as poetic an ending as I could have ever hoped for us to have."

"No," Kate was angry. "That's not fair. You don't get to make the choice for me! I love you too, Castle. I'm not letting you go like this."

"Kate. Katie, look at me. Please." Kate's eyes locked onto his. "Martha and Alexis will understand. They will. Because they know how much… they know how much I love you all. Please…please tell them that I wasn't scared in the end. You tell them I was brave. And if I don't make it then…. then tell them I love them. That I had to make a difficult choice and that I need them to understand why I made it."

"I can't do this… I can't leave you," Kate's sobs grew stronger as she realized she didn't have a choice.

"That's not for you to decide." Castle swallowed, "I know it doesn't seem like it, but it'll work out in the end somehow. I know it will. I can feel it." Kate clung on tighter as men finally found purchase on her arms.

"No. This isn't one of your hunches, Castle," Kate's low alto voice choked out. "This isn't something to bet your life on. Please… Please don't do this." _Please don't make me leave. Please don't leave me. _The two exchanged silent words.

"You have to go. You're the one that makes the real difference in this world. You've always been the one. Not me."

"Castle," Kate broken cries were more painful to him than the place where blood was seeping out of him. "The only reason that I pushed you away for so long…I was so scared. I should have told you…I should have told you such a long time ago."

"Kate," Castle's voice was suddenly pleaded, "It's okay. We were both scared."

"I love you, Castle. I love you so much," Kate's voiced cried out as she stole one last touch from him before being wrenched away. Her head whipped back and forth as a sheet of chloroform was pressed over her nose and mouth. Then everything went back.

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><p>Chaos broke out at a nearby hospital as a black sedan screeched to a halt in front of the emergency room. The security guard on duty rushed out as a body was shoved from the back seat and onto the pavement below, mere seconds before the car sped off into the night. Kate's gold shield glinted in the night as her coat, which had been restored to her shoulders to cover most of the bruising, fell open as she settled onto her back. Screams echoed in the parking lot as nurses, and technicians rushed out to give help.<p>

A night full of empty dreamless sleep, curtained Kate from the rest of the world, and from the state of panic that she would feel when she awoke to find her self alone.

A loud beeping had Kate wincing in discomfort as her head pounded relentlessly. She felt as if she had been struck over the head with a hammer. A gentle hand wiped back the sweat and dirt caked hair from her face. Kate moaned, savoring the contact as she rolled her head back and forth gently on the pillows. She took a deep breath, immediately regretting having done so as a stabbing pain made her cry out.

"Oh thank goodness, she's awake," Lanie's soft voice whispered as Kate's eyes blinked open for the first time. Firstly seeing blurs of color and then the worried and grieving expression on her best friend's face. It took one moment. Just one moment to realize that everything hadn't been a dream. It was real. God, it was real.

"Uh oh," Esposito was the first to read the emotion sweeping across Kate's face. She knew. She knew immediately who was missing.

It was like an alarm going off in her skull. Kate jumped forwards, pushing herself forcefully up off the bed. Quickly, Kevin and Esposito restrained her.

"God, Castle!" Where's Castle?" Kate's loud screeching cries had those within several rooms wondering what awful thing was happening. "I...I need Castle."

"Kate," Esposito forced his way into her field of vision, "Katie, look at me. Katie!" He winced as a fist struck him in the shoulder before she finally latched onto the material. "They're looking for him. We're going to find him. But I need you to calm down." Kate continued to fight as she shouted Castle's name over and over till she was nearly hoarse. Lanie shook her head as one of the nurses injected a sedative into her I.V.

"Please," Kate began to sob, "You have to find him…"

"We're trying," Esposito tried to sooth her; "We're running leads on the sedan."

"Do you remember anything about what happened?" Kevin Ryan asked her calmly. "Was there anything peculiar about where you were being held?"

"No…I…It could have been anywhere. Only there were reinforced steel doors. It was so cold," Kate breathed. "Y-You have to find him. Ryan, please."

"We're going to do everything we can," Ryan promised. "Kate, I know how much he means to you. We'll get him back."

"They were affiliated with the Russian mob," Kate spoke quickly. "They hurt him. He'd been stabbed. He might not have 24 hours."

"Kate, how did you get free?" Esposito had to ask.

"I…I didn't," Kate's voice broke. "They let me go." Esposito looked uneasy as Kate started sobbing. "He…he bought my freedom," Kate choked out in raw, broken sobs. "He gave up everything he had for my life." Esposito and Lanie shared a knowing look. There was no doubt in their minds that Castle had done as such. He loved her enough to give up his life for her.

"I…I have to go run Castle's account numbers," Esposito said frantically, "If we can track the money flow, we just might get lucky." Esposito rushed out of the room with is partner as Lanie sank into the chair and held Kate's hand as the detective was catapulted back into dreamless sleep.

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><p><em><strong>H<strong>_**ate me right now? Yeah. I know. Just try not to be too mean with the reviews, guys? Please? Anyhow, I hoped you like it and want more. I'm writing pretty much constantly. I know that I don't have a lot to show for it just yet, but I promise more is coming for my other stories out there. Thanks for reading! Please hit the review button if you want more!**


	2. Walk

_**A/N: I'm happy to say that I've literally pulled out all of the stops on this one. It's super long and I can honestly say that I've worked on this baby for so long (it took me at least a week to write) and I have to say I'm really proud of it. I hope you're as surprised and drawn in as I was when I wrote this because I feel like I've truly invested myself in it. Unfortunately, I'm going to be traveling tomorrow, but I will try to update as soon as possible. I also have to say, something about the Season 3 finale! I mean seriously, just how epic was the season finale! I mean…I'm still really stunned. I'm not going to say anything because some people may not have seen it yet. But seriously, they completely outdid me with the shock factor, and that's really saying something. I swear, they've turned it into and artform and all I can do is try to replicate it. I cannot wait for the fourth season! Let's just say that it's going to be a hell of a long summer. I'm looking forwards to all of the great Castle stories that will be born from the episode and I have to say that I just might have to write one myself. But I have plenty of other stories to update first. Anyhow, here's this update. It's kind of long winded so make sure you grab something to drink and can chill out in front of your computer for a while. I don't know if I'm purposely trying to write a novel or what, but this baby is long. I think part of the problem was that I had no idea where to leave it. And I was happy that I still managed to leave you all with a pretty big cliffhanger. Please don't hate me for it, but it's just what writers do. We want to keep you reading after all.**_

_**Thanks to all of you who have reviewed, I always mean to respond to them, but then I get caught up in writing and just want to get the chapter up as soon as possible. I just want you guys to know that I do read the reviews and appreciate them immensely. I'm always excited to see what sort of things you guys like about each chapter. So please…keep them coming! Reviews are truly fuel to the fire. And when you're doing lots of writing reviews always do wonders to spur me on. They make me want to write! And writing is good because the more I write; the sooner I get up each review. You know what I mean. Anyhow, thanks for being awesome readers. You guys really do rock!**_

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><p>Title: Please Don't Leave Me<p>

Category: TV Shows » Castle  
>Author: Greygirl03<br>Language: English, Rating: Rated: M  
>Genre: DramaSuspense

Chapter 2: Walk (Based on the song by Foo Fighters)

**_Disclaimer: Sadly the amazing show that is Castle does not belong to me, nor does Natan Fillion (as amazing as he his)!_**

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><p>Kate swallowed as she woke to darkness around her. It was quiet, and save for the sound of the machines in her room, only the faintest of sounds flooded in through the hall outside. As she looked over towards the door, she could see the thin beam of light spilling in from the hallway. The door was cracked open, but still shut to offer privacy. She looked down to her arm and stared at where the flesh left off and the tubing began. She felt as if she had some of her strength back already and could only surmise they'd pumped fluids into her to offset the severe dehydration she'd suffered from. Still, her throat was dry as the desert and it took effort to swallow. She shifted on the mattress, grunting softly as her body still ached. She looked down at her own body, amazed she was pretty much unscathed, save for the bruises coloring her skin an eerie purple. She heard shuffling as someone reacted to the sound of her struggling with the blankets. She blinked as a silhouette came into focus and she waited for her pupils to adjust so she could figure out whom it was. She let out a sigh as Esposito appeared before her, rubbing the sleep from his own eyes.<p>

"Hey," he whispered softly. Kate's eyes darted briefly over to where Lanie slept then back to a man she loved and trusted. She figured they hadn't left her bedside.

"H-Hey," Kate's breath hitched, she didn't really trust her own voice to bear the brunt of her emotions. Her throat hurt so much and she couldn't seem to remedy the dryness in it. Her voice sounded as if it had been grated with sandpaper.

"How are you feeling?" he breathed quietly as he perched himself on her bed. She sighed as he reached out and brushed the hair from her eyes.

"Tired," Kate managed to choke out. "I…I'm sorry about earlier. I…"

"Don't," Esposito shook his head, "Please don't feel bad about it."

"But I..."

"No," he shook his head, shushing her, "You don't have to apologize, Kate. You woke up and you were disoriented. I don't blame you for being upset. I…I can't imagine what it's like. I mean God, if anything ever happened to Lanie," Esposito's own voice sounded strained as the man struggled to relate to her without getting overly emotional. "I don't know what I'd do." He swallowed before continuing. "I…I know that it's hard to accept it yourself, but I'm really glad that you're okay, Kate." He punctuated his statement with a comforting squeeze. It was what Castle would have done had he been there.

"Castle," Kate breathed, still sounding as if the thought of him only brought her unbearable pain.

"Made the right choice," Esposito cut in softly, his tone patient. "Kate, I know it's hard for you to see it from his point of view, but…if it had been me, I would have done the same thing. He… He loves you." Kate looked away as she felt more tears seep soundlessly from her eyes. This time she tried to show restraint. She tried not to let the sobs out. She knew that crying wasn't going to do anything. It certainly wasn't going to bring him back, no matter how much she wished it would. Kate felt a heat flush in her cheeks as Esposito, sweet as he was, wiped them away with the pad of his thumb. Kate had earned his respect and admiration a long time ago, for her strength and perseverance.

"Please tell me you know more," Kate breathed calmly. The look of vulnerability in her shimmering blue/green eyes broke Esposito's heart. "Please tell me you found something in Castle's financials. Tell me you know where he is."

"Kate," Esposito's voice could not hold its evenness despite his best effort. He was emotionally invested in this case as well. They were all affected by it, and felt powerless to do anything. "I'm so sorry. But we couldn't. Ryan put a track on the money and managed to follow about 25 different wire transfers before the trace disappeared in Eastern Europe. We've got the techs working on it, but we've already lost 12 hours. They could have moved him a great distance away by now."

"No," She shook her head. "They wouldn't go through the trouble. Not when they're just going to kill him anyways."

"You don't know that," Esposito asserted. "Kate, they might not kill him."

"Yes," she spoke in a roughened tone, "they will. I know, and Castle did too. It's why he only bargained for me. He knew. He knew they would never let us both go. They needed a body, Sito." She tried to push herself up. Esposito tried to help her to a seated position.

"Kate," he breathed softly. "Look, I know that it's going to be hard, but I…I need a statement. I need to know everything you remember about the abduction and whatever happened until you were dropped here last night. It… It could help us find him."

"Yeah," Kate choked out, nodding. She knew this moment was coming sooner than later. "Of course, we umm...we shouldn't waste anymore time," She swallowed again, wincing at the sharp sting of each swallow. "Only I was wondering if you could get me a glass of water, first. My mouth is dry and I can hardly talk."

"Of course," Esposito pushed himself off of the bed and stood. "I'm sorry. I didn't even realize. I mean of course you're thirsty, you probably haven't had anything to drink since... " Esposito forced himself to shut up, before voicing what he'd meant to say all along. "I'll be right back with some nice cold water," he smiled, "I'd say you earned it." Kate watched him go, wiping away more tears that just kept coming. She tried not to resent Castle for what he did. She couldn't be angry with him, but she still felt as if her heart had been ripped into a hundred pieces. It was worse than any pain she'd ever felt before physically and emotionally. After Montgomery's death, and her own brush with death, it had been Castle who had saved her. He'd given her something to hang on to, something to fight for, and she didn't get the chance to do the same. She'd been ripped away from him. She couldn't even imagine what it would be like to go through that alone. To know that death is coming and you can do nothing. She wept because no one would be there to hold him. No one would be there to tell him they loved him. She thought about all he'd done for her and she could only wish she'd be able to do the same and make it up to him some day. She wondered what sort of agony was in store for her now. If she truly lost Castle then she'd truly lose it all. She'd lose her reason for living. She'd lose the man who had the audacity to stand up against her and tell her to drop her mother's case. She'd lose a man who loved her despite the fact that she'd constantly pushed him away.

She could only pray that he was still alive at this point. Part of her really believed that she would feel it, when it happened, just as she'd felt it the moment her mother passed and as she'd felt it when Montgomery passed. No words were necessary to explain it. The feeling, the emotion spoke for itself.

The best analogy Kate could think of to describe it was that it reminded her of a ripple moving through water. Actually, it was more like ripple moving through the universe, a wave that spread outward from its origin. Without meaning to, this wave signals a profound change or disturbance in the fabric of space and time, until it overtakes and overwhelms everyone who is close enough to feel it. For those paying attention to a specific place, or a person in the universe, they can feel a chill when something shifts. If the change is large enough in magnitude, such as in that of a man passing from this world to heaven, the shift and loss can be felt. It's like a shiver that shoots up the spine and paralyzes all those affected by it until it leaves them gasping for air. Fortunately, Kate hadn't felt it yet, which meant that Rick was still with them.

She sat up a little straighter as Esposito walked back inside the room. He returned the door to its state and flipped on a dim light that wasn't too obtrusive to her eyes. Without a word he handed her the water, and she took it gratefully. When the transfer was complete, Esposito retracted his hand and Kate cradled the cup between her two hands. At first she took a tiny sip, then the thirst that she had been unable to fulfill for so long took over and she was taking hungry, frequent sips. To taste the cool water and et it was roll over her tongue heavenly. The way the water rolled over her tongue as she swished it around in her mouth satiated her need for it. It was like tasting sweet nectar. She closed her eyes savoring it. Never would she take it for granted again. And she couldn't help but fantasize about her next hamburger from Remy's. She could only assume the first bite would be as sweet. She watched as Esposito pulled up a chair and pulled out his pad and a pen.

"You sure you're ready for this?" he asked softly, compassionately. She could see the softness in his eyes.

"Almost," Kate whispered as she took another sip of the water. "Just give me a minute," she pleaded, taking a deep breath as she struggled to compose herself. It was going to be a long few hours. She knew she needed to focus and devote her full attention to recalling the memories that had become fuzzy over the last few days. When she finally felt it start to flood back, she set down the water. Then swallowed one final time. "Okay." She nodded. "I'm ready." Esposito nodded as he listened to every word that followed, scribbling madly on the pad. He was surprised at the amount of detail she remembered.

* * *

><p>Castle hardly stirred eighteen hours later, steady footsteps approached. He was despondent now that his sole reason for living was gone and he was left all alone on the cold icy floor. He still shivered, though it was sporadic and did little to warm him. A doctor had come in hours ago to stem the worst of the bleeding. He tried not to laugh at the thought. Why waste money on a doctor when they were just going to kill him anyways? The answer was simple. They wanted more fun with him yet. They wanted him to suffer, to die in a horrifying, gruesome manner that they knew would send a clear message to any of the NYPD who dared to mess with the mob in the future. Castle knew what he was in store for him the moment he'd signed his life away and they'd agreed to let Kate go. Sure, he could have tried to bargain with the men. He could have told Cavanaugh the he had half as much as in his bank account and could have waited until later to tell the truth. He could have tried to bargain for both their lives, instead of merely one, but the truth is that he knew that they, the Russian Mob, would never relinquish their hold on the both of them. They needed one, to send the message they intended. So, in the moment, he'd made the choice. Ultimately, Kate would be able to remember more of the minute details he knew would make a difference in the drug war going on within America's borders. She was trained to notice details and remember everything and knew all the information that the police department would need. Castle was good at these things as well, but in the long run it was obvious that Kate would do far more good in the universe. Five years from now she would still be putting the bad guys away and she would always be in it for the right reason. Castle had to count on that. And so, for that very reason, he had decided he was the one who was expendable.<p>

Death. It's not an easy notion to try and cope with. Even those who are overly religious still fear it, just as they fear god himself. They fear it because it is a great unknown. Castle had stared death in the eye many times and had lived to tell the tale. But as he lay completely still, staring at the imperfections of the floor, he couldn't help but wonder if the moment had finally come. He stared at the spot Kate once occupied. The chains used to secure her lay in noting more than a careless heap on the floor. He felt abandoned, and often had to remind himself it was his own doing, or that it was fated all along. He felt alone. He was so alone, and weary, and defeated. It took all of his strength not to cry. He choked, as a gag started in the back of his throat due to the smell surrounding him. It smelled of excrement, and mold, and god only knows what else. He laid covered head to toe in a thick black coat of soot.

From the time interval of the noises, Castle discerned that there were several men approaching. He contemplated putting up a fight when they invaded his space, but his will to fight had faded fast after Kate was taken away from him and he was left alone. His body was under extreme duress. The blood soaking his shirt was nothing compared to the lack of food and water over the last four days. No one could accurately describe the agony of starvation, and the pain involved with it. He'd never suffered so much before. It was excruciating, and Castle continued to claw at where his stomach should be as he became desperate to ease the pain. It felt as if there were actually a part of him missing, a hole, boring all the way through to his back. He had a new appreciation for what it felt like to go to bed hungry, to wake up hungry. The thought that millions of children went through it on a daily basis broke his heart. He vowed that he would do something about that. Should he survive this mess, he decided that he would donate every cent he could. He would do anything so that no one else had to suffer the way that he was suffering at that moment. With the combination of hunger combined with heartbreak, Castle had never felt anything so excruciating in his life.

He doubted he could eat or drink anything at this point even if it was offered to him. The nausea itself was also a force to be reckoned with. Together, the smell and the pain were enough to make him ill. There were moments he would close his eyes and start breathing through his mouth in a vain attempt to over come it. Castle moaned, as he finally rolled over to gaze at the dark ceiling above. It was dark. It was always dark where he was, and so he lost track of time altogether. It felt like days had passed him by. It was all a blur and Castle wished he could drift off peacefully. It would certainly be better than what anyone else had in store for him. Castle did not move or flinch as the door was thrown open.

"Take him out back," the boss ordered to one of the other men in a hushed voice, "Make him sweat for a couple of minutes and then shoot him. I want to send a clear message to anyone out there who thinks that they can mess with us, and walk away from it unscathed." Castle contemplated trying to fight back, trying to escape, which he did almost instinctively. He only got one punch off before he pulled his arm free. He dropped to the floor in only two steps. His legs wouldn't support him.

"Isn't it cute, Clive?" one of the men teased vehemently, "How they try to run away in the end? Just like a dog who knows he is about to be put down …"

"Yeah," the other man chuckled, "I reckon it is."

Castle squeezed his eyes shut as they pulled up from the floor. His feet dragged limply along the ground as each man pulled him along slowly. They hauled him up a couple flights of stairs and out an emergency exit. Castle squeezed his eyes shut at the sudden onslaught of daylight. It was so bright he was blinded by it. Castle took a deep breath of the air outside. It was slightly better, though it still reeked, like stale blood and gore. Finally, he managed to squint enough to get a good look around him. He was standing in an empty lot, surrounded on three sides by covered chain-linked fences, and on the other by the side of the building. He looked around, silently wondering how many men had died here like he was about to. He thought that he was going to be sick as he looked over his shoulder to see the blood smeared on the brick nearest to him. So that was what that smell was. It was blood cooking in the heat of the sunlight. Castle wretched. One of the men shoved him away as he got sick into rusty barrel of some sort. There was nothing to throw up, but he spent a long few minutes choking up every last drop of bile from his stomach, making the muscles in his back cry out in pain and agony. It seemed as if the pain never stopped.

"So do you want to do the honors?" the older of the two men asked. Flecks of gray were evident in his short black hair. Castle couldn't bring himself to look the man in the eye. "Or should I?"

"I'd be happy to do it," Castle looked distastefully at the man in front of him. He was quite a bit better looking than the other, also younger. He had curly brown hair, and striking blue eyes. He reminded Castle a lot of Demming, one of Kate's more recent exes. He didn't have much more meat on his bones than Castle did, but he certainly seemed to eager to compensate for his size through his larger than life attitude. Castle watched as the man started feeling around his windbreaker. "Shit…I left my pistol inside." Castle swallowed, as his throat grew dry. He couldn't keep his gaze from darting back and forth to the two men in front of them. Something wasn't right, and it was making his skin crawl. He was confused by the notion that a mobster about to execute one of his prisoners, accidentally left his pistol inside. Especially when he's supposed to be ready to blow someone's brains out. "You got yours?" Castle watched as the other man checked his back for it.

"Naw, man," he shook his head, "I guess you'll have to stall for a couple minutes while I run inside. You think you can handle him on your own?"

"Are you kidding me?" the man spit at Castle's feet. "This man is nothing more than a pathetic excuse for a human being."

"Alright," the man shot one last malevolent look at Castle and then slipped back inside the building.

"Looks like it's just you and me," Castle said finally, staring down the man in front of him.

"Looks like," the man replied. Castle squared his shoulders and lunged for the man without a moment's delay. If he was going to try to escape, now was the time. If he could debilitate the man for long enough he just might be able to muster up enough strength to pull himself over the fence and make a run for it. The man stopped him without much effort. Castle's fist darted out striking the man just above the eye.

Castle screamed as a pair of strong arms accepted his counter attack and threw him hard against the wall.

"I don't want to fight you," the man hissed as Castle's knees buckled as he dropped to the ground, sliding down the coarse brick wall as he did so. Castle screamed again as he tried to fight back but couldn't.

"No," Castle bit out, "You just want your gun to do your fighting for you." Castle threw his weight around, still trying to fight back. The man had no choice but to try and stop him.

Castle was unrelenting as he tried to shake the man's hold on him. He grunted as the man threw him into the wall again. This time face first. The man who seemed to taunt him through his unwillingness to fight, bent down slightly to whisper into his ear. "Hey, stop fighting. Please. I need you to listen to me very carefully." The man gave pause for a breath and readjusted his hold on Castle making it tighter as Castle continued to resist. "I'm an officer with the FBI. My name is Wesley Briggs. I'm a chemical engineering specialist working undercover with the bureau in an effort to expose their illegal drug trades. If they find out who I am, I promise you, we'll both be dead within the hour." The man nearly pulled Castle's arm out of his socket, using Castle's cries to drown out what he said next. "I…. I'm going to help you out of here alive, but I need you to trust me." Castle yelped, this time it was more for show. Though after the man's hand accidentally contacted the gaping open wound on his chest he didn't have to fake it any more.

"Tell me why I should believe you for a single moment?" Castle hissed under his breath, "I recognize you. You just stood by as they beat me over and over again. Just give me one reason I should believe you." Castle pleaded softly.

"Because you know I never raised so much as a single hand against you. And I refuse to. Please. You know how it works," he replied in a hushed voice. "I have to maintain my cover under every circumstance. No matter how difficult… I… I've been undercover for two years… And I'm too close to finding out what I need to blow it now."

"Then why risk it all for me…for my life?" Castle spoke aloud. He was an imaginative writer and he still wouldn't have written an ending like this. It was crazy. Two minutes ago he was sure he was going to die, but now he might have a chance. He could only hope the undercover officer had a good plan.

"Because you're a good man. You don't deserve this fate. But this… this is your only chance," the man admitted. "Look, I respect and admire your bravery. What you did for that other cop was selfless. I know you did it out of love, but it took remarkable courage all the same." He paused trying to get Castle to look him in the eye. "I'm serious about this. The second Phillip gets back with his pistol, there is going to be absolutely nothing that I can do to help you."

"Just how on earth do plan to help me," Castle choked out. The officer changed his face and expression as he realized he was in danger of blowing his cover. "Because I sure as hell must be missing something… We're surrounded by fences." Castle bit back sarcastically, trying to play along. He wanted to know if the man was for real or not. The cheeky remark earned him a stiff punch that left him reeling a few steps. Castle let out another scream as the man threw him headlong over one of the barrels in the yard, letting him roll over it so Castle crashed to the floor with a loud bang.

"Okay," the officer said impatiently, "You don't seem to be getting it. Come on, man, you don't deserve to die here. Let me help you!" Castle held his breath as the undercover officer pulled him up from the ground, with surprising gentleness. Castle was taken aback. The look he saw in reserved crystal blues made him sure the man was who he said. He took the liberty of whispering in Castle's ear as he held him up. He was trying to get Castle to stand on his own two feet. Finally, Castle's legs held and he froze, facing the man who practically held Castle's life in his hands.

"I need you to commit now. I need to know if you're willing," he said in a rushed voice. "This is really your only shot. We have a two-minute window, before Phillip's back. Blink and nod if you're in." Castle blinked as his head gave the slightest nod. He knew it was crazy, but he was desperate and it was his only chance. He couldn't risk anything else. Castle grunted as the man through his arm around Castle's neck, pulling out a large syringe from underneath his coat. Castle's eyes grew wide as he saw the size of the needle. He's always hated needles so it was horrifying as he saw the size of it. It was a good inch and a half long, with a wide diameter. Nearly as wide as a pen.

"Is that your plan?" Castle shrieked as she tried to shrug off the man. "Hell no. Fuck. No. No way! You cannot inject me with that thing."

"I'm going to have to inject you with Pilocarpine," he explained quickly under his breath, "It serves as an agonist to muscarinic acetylcholine receptors in cardiac and skeletal muscle tissue. It's going to slow your heart rate to the point where your heartbeat is untraceable. I'm not going to lie…there's some chance that it might stop your heart and send you into cardiac arrest, but hopefully you'll get the medical attention you need by the time that happens. All I know is that if Phillip shoots you and your heart is beating at the rate it is now, you'll be dead in two minutes flat. It'll be over quickly. If you let me inject you with this, it'll give you a fighting chance. It'll decrease your heart rate and reduce your blood loss."

"Please don't," Castle wheezed under his breath, "You just said it could stop my heart. It could kill me."

"I did say that," he swallowed. "Look, I… I have to know now. We don't have any time left."

"It has to be in the heart?" Castle's voice squeaked, "You really have to inject me in the heart with that thing?"

"Yes," he replied honestly, "The drug has to interact with the heart muscle directly, otherwise it won't work fast enough." Castle squeezed his eyes shut for a long moment. His body shook as he grappled for the strength to do what he was about to do.

"Okay," Castle spoke breathlessly. "Just do it. God, I can't believe this is happening."

"The drug should only take a minute or two to work once I inject you since it's such a large dose you should feel the effects immediately. You have to try to stay conscious…otherwise they'll know something is up," he whispered. "Obviously, the injection isn't going to be pleasant. In fact, it's going to hurt like hell."

"I… I don't care," Castle's heart started to pound out of his chest at the notion. "I just don't want to die." Castle winced as he realized that he'd said it out loud, effectively sounding like a coward. "Do I get a warning?" the words were hardly out of Castle's mouth before the officer, putting everything into the stroke of his arm, plunged the syringe deep into Castle's chest cavity, namely the pericardium.

Castle screamed, a loud feral cry as pain ripped through his chest and left arm, sending him well over his tolerated threshold. Castle dropped to his knees, as fire seemed to rip through his left arm and shoulder. It was almost enough to make him sick. The officer dropped to his knees beside him. "They'll dump the body quickly. I'll make sure you're found as quickly as possible. It's the best I can give you," he whispered in Castle's ear. The man pushed down on the syringe, injecting Castle with the full dosage, while at the same time the pain was multiplying threefold. Castle's heart was currently racing as his left arm dropped to his stomach as the officer withdrew the syringe. Sweat covered his body as he fought the tremors in his arm and shoulder. He glanced over his shoulder as the door burst open, and Phillip emerged, a dark pistol held tightly in his hand.

"You ready for some fun?" he asked as he stepped towards Castle who was already on his knees. Castle tried to get up from his knees, but stumbled back to the ground. He was already losing his ability to concentrate. The pain and lightheadedness were overshadowing everything else.

"Hey," Phillip yelled with hostility in his voice, as he aimed a kick to Castle's middle, "Hey, scum. I asked you a question." Castle opened his mouth to speak but struggled for a reply.

Castle's body shook as he became more and more lightheaded. His vision blurred, in swirls of color around him. He struggled to make sense of what was happening but could not. Luckily, the undercover officer was quick enough on the uptake, wrenching Castle to his feet.

"Just do it now, Phillip," he ordered, "He's already been put through enough." The officer jumped as Phillip clicked off the safety.

"Hey, Clive," Phillip hissed, "You might want to get out of the way, man." Wesley nodded, taking two quick steps back. He held his breath as he watched Phillip's forefinger squeeze the trigger. He watched a very distinctive look pass across Castle's face as the gun went off. Luckily, it seemed that Castle had blacked out just before the bullet hit him in the upper chest. Wesley was grateful for this, as it meant that Castle wouldn't suffer any more than he'd already had to.

"Well that was one hell of a shot, huh? He went down easy." Phillip commented as he gave Castle a prod with the toe of his shoe for good measure. Both heads whipped around as their boss came storming out the door. Wesley rolled Castle over, feeling for a pulse. He prayed that he would find one.

"He dead?" the boss asked in annoyance. "Took you two long enough."

"He's dead," Wesley confirmed in his dirty Russian accent, "Only took one bullet. Kind of pathetic if you ask me." When he left his fingers there for nearly a minute and felt only a couple of weak pulses, he knew the plan was working. The young, curly haired, undercover agent, jumped back.

"Are you sure? Maybe we should put another bullet in him just to be sure," the officer was shoved aside as another man from the group, who had followed them outside, wanted to check Castle's pulse himself. Wesley looked on while holding his breath. He could do nothing but struggle to keep his composure under control. Finally the man looked up, drawing away his hand.

"Oh, he's dead all right."

"So, now what are we going do? We've got to dump the body," Phillip asked, looking to their boss. Wesley began to run his hand over his face in obvious distress, looking back at Castle intermittently. _"They're going to find out," Wesley thought in a shallow panic, 'I have to be the one to dump the body…Otherwise they're going to know.'_

"Hey, Clive," the boss spit out as he clapped him on the back, "You did good kid." Wesley breathed a sigh of relief as his superior turned to one of the grunts next to him. "Phillip, go grab that truck of yours, and take a trip out to the docks. Clive you should go along too. Make sure his ID is on him. I want them to know exactly who he is." Wesley nodded complicity, not about to be insubordinate to one of his superiors. Together, they grabbed Castle's still, motionless body. Minutes were ticking by and Wesley knew that Castle didn't have a lot of time. If his heart stopped completely, the vital blood supply, whose sole purpose was to carry oxygen and nutrients necessary to sustain brain, lung, kidney, and cardiac activity would cease and Castle would actually die, with no chance of returning to life.

Wesley broke a sweat, straining heavily to lift the body higher as they finally made it to the truck. Quickly, they covered the body with a tarp from the back and hopped into the cab of the pick-up, speeding off in the night towards their main dumping site. It seemed to take forever to reach it, and Wesley tried to keep himself from checking the clocks. Upon arrival, they both sprang from the back, dumping the body (partially concealed) in the bowels in the alley in the slums of the city.

"Hey," an impatient voice broke his thoughts, "Are we going to get out of here or what?" he added in annoyance.

"Yeah. Of course," Wesley replied as he plopped down in the front seat. He winced. "I know there wasn't much blood, but I feel like I need to clean up after this one…"

"Then get your pathetic ass out of the truck, and take the bus home for all I care." Clive (Wesley) nodded, slipping a cigarette into his mouth and lighting it.

"You know what? You're right. It's a good night for a walk." Wesley slipped back out of the door and slammed it shut. He leant against the rusty white exterior, staring at the man inside. "I'm going go ahead and hit the bar. No cops are around anyways." Wesley announced, "I'll catch my own way home tonight. I just need to wind down a little bit."

"You sure?" the thug sitting in the driver seat asked. Then, "You packing?" Wesley nodded in the affirmative.

"Alright," Phillip shrugged, "It's your funeral, buddy. Just do me a favor and don't get shot in the back on your way home. Charlie wouldn't be too happy about that." Wesley nodded. Phillip took one last look at Wesley and sped off into the night his rusty white truck, disappearing into the darkness. Wesley could hear the faint sound of squeaking brakes as the man rounded the corner and disappeared completely.

As the white truck rounded the corner, Wesley was already whipping out his phone, calling for an ambulance and was appealing to the rest of the NYPD for backup. He rushed over to the body, trying to pull it out from amongst the debris. He felt for a pulse. There was none. Wesley pulled Castle out of the debris so that the man was lying flat on his back. He tilted Castle's well-defined square jaw upwards, trying to force air into Castle's lungs with CPR. He counted to five, pushing down on Castle's chest before returning to the man's mouth to offer him air. If he could get oxygenated blood to circulate in Castle's body than he had a fair chance of avoiding permanent brain damage, and more importantly, death. For the longest few minutes of his life, he tried to keep air moving into Castle's lungs. He tried to keep the man from the grasp of death, which was easier said than done given the circumstances.

"What have we got?" the panicked voices of the EMT roused Wesley from his catatonic, and highly focused state of keeping Castle alive.

"36 year old male by the name of Richard Castle, working in association with the NYPD. He's sustained brutal beating, a GSW to the upper left shoulder, and significant blood loss," Wesley panted as he showed them the worst of Castle's injuries and gave them his badge number. "I gave him Pilocarpine to slow his heart. He's not breathing. And I can't get his heart to start beating again. The best advice I have for you is to put him on ice. It might slow his cellular metabolism enough to prevent injury to his brain and the rest of his body." The EMT's nodded, rushing him onto a gurney. He was forced to hang back as a spectator as the ambulance sped off into the light. The sun beat heavily down upon him and he let out the a tense, uneven breath as he silently prayed he hadn't accidentally killed the man.

* * *

><p>Esposito was about to take Kate home when he got the call they'd all been waiting for. He could tell that she was anxious to go home and get away from the hospital. The doctor had let her go, but only because she asserted over and over that she'd do better at home where she could get some actual sleep. Since she had no serious injuries, there was no real reason to keep her except for her mild dehydration. After she'd promised to keep up with fluids at home, the doctor had finally let her go home. Esposito's heart started to race. He paused outside of the driver's side door, leaving it open. Kate was in the passenger seat, waiting for him to get in so that she could finally go home and get some real rest.<p>

"Wait a minute…" Esposito told one of his fellow men in blue, whom he was talking to on the other end "Are you sure it's him?" Kate leaned over the middle console trying to listen in.

"The body had an ID with it and his description matched?" Esposito let out a tense breath as he raked a hand over his face. He could scarcely believe it and his heart stopped, as he feared the man's death. "Was he breathing?" Esposito shook his head as he got an answer he wasn't prepared for. A shiver shot up his spine, making him feel suddenly very ill. "Christ," Esposito choked out as he shook his head and listened to what the man had to say. "W-Where were they heading?"

"Sinai?" Esposito's voice was full of disbelief. "Okay…yeah. We're already here. Okay, thanks man." Esposito flipped his phone shut, ducking down to catch Kate's eyes. "Get out of the car," he ordered softly. She looked at him for a long moment with the strangest look on her face.

"Sito," Kate looked confused, "I thought we were going home. What's going on?"

"Trust me, Kate," Esposito swallowed, as he slipped his own phone into his pocket and leant against the car for support. Kate climbed slowly out of the car. She did so gingerly, as she was still in a lot of pain. She could hardly breath as she looked around. At that very moment a particularly warm gust picked up, whipping her hair about her. Only instead of feeling warm the only thing Kate felt was cold, as the most paralyzing feeling shot up her spine. For a moment she stopped breathing and her heart thundered in her chest. She stared at Esposito in abject horror. Her gaze said it all.

"Esposito," Kate managed to choke out finally. "Tell me he's still alive."

"They found him, Kate," Esposito said, "The officer I talked to said he was 99% sure. Ambulance is on its way here now."

"Oh my god," Kate breathed. In two seconds flat, Kate was around the front of her car.

"Is he…Is he alive?" Kate nearly sank to the concrete. Fortunately, Ryan, who had been nearby caught her under the arms.

"What's going on?" he asked, with a look of confusion on his own face, "I thought you guys were taking off."

"It's Castle," Esposito replied, knowing that Kate couldn't. "Ambulance is on its way here now.

"Is… Is he alive," Kevin Ryan choked on the words, afraid of the answer.

"He wouldn't say." Esposito lied, knowing he couldn't tell Kate he wasn't breathing.

* * *

><p>Meanwhile, as the ambulance sped across New York City, one of the bewildered Emergency medical Technician's began to cover his chest with leads as they struggled to get a regular heartbeat. They puashed as much as they could and followed the man's instructions. They had to try to prevent permanent brain damage and couldn't risk it.<p>

"Come on, buddy. We've got you. Don't you dare give up on us now!" the other paramedic chanted empathically as he administered charge after charge, trying to keep Castle alive.

"We need to intubate him," the other paramedic mentioned. Together, they worked together to slip a tube down Castle's throat, and hooked him up to a respirator. The man was covered in bruises from head to toe, soaked in blood, and looked as if he were hanging on by a thin string. He was the palest the paramedic had ever seen. He felt like he was staring at a corpse but refused to resign Castle to that fate.

When the ambulance sped to a stop outside of Mount Sinai, the doors to the back of the ambulance were already being wrenched open. In seconds, a handful of trauma doctors were rushing the gurney down the hall and into one of their main trauma rooms. Someone had called ahead to tell them they were coming. They hooked him up to fluids and countless wires as they tried to get his heart started and get an EKG reading.

A young and ruggedly handsome cardiothoracic specialist was rushing through the doors mere seconds later, a stethoscope draped around his neck. His hands covered in dark blue latex gloves. A white lab coat covered his shoulders and nearly draped to the floor, loosely covering the pair of dark blue scrubs underneath.

"What have we got?" the words were out of his mouth as one of the nurses handed him a chart and began to speak.

"Richard Castle, license says he's 36," the nurse elaborated quickly, "Patient is asystolic. Paramedics performed CPR on route but were unable to get a heartbeat. They put him on ice. He's suffered a severe sustained beating. His body is covered in bruises of various degrees. He also has a deep laceration on his chest, as well as a GSW." The doctor's heart fell as he heard the last bit. Immediately, his mind concluded that "Richard Castle" had suffered heart failure due to the GSW. But as his eyes lifted and fell on the face of the man in front of him, his heart leapt in his chest.

"Oh my god…" he scarcely dared to breath, "It's _the_ Richard Castle. The author."

"I'm sorry?" the triage nurses weren't used to Doctor's looking so overtaken with emotion.

"You don't understand. I… I idolize this man," Dr. Jacob Strause announced as he rushed forwards, "I'd know that man anywhere. He's the man who wrote the Derek Storm series. His books helped me through the insanity of Medical School." Jacob stuttered. "I need all of you to stay. We need all hands on deck. We have to save this man!" Jacob rushed for the paddles, squirting jelly onto them. He rubbed them together to spread the liquid conductor. "Charge to 300," Jacob commanded authoritatively. He watched as one of his team members primed the machine.

"Clear," he shouted, lowering the paddles to Castle's chest. All those, fussing over Castle took a step back as Jacob administered the charge. Castle's chest rocketed into the air, only to fall limply back onto the table.

"Nothing?" Jacob tried to keep the composure in his voice as he realized it hadn't worked. The nurses shook their heads, feeling discouraged, but Jacob tried not to let it shake him. He took a deep staggering breath as his mind worked a mile a minute. There was no way he was going to let Castle die on his watch. No way. He cared about the man too much to let that happen. He knew. He knew how important it was to save him. People would never be able to forgive him if Castle died at his hands.

"Push 2cc's of epi, one of atropine," Jacob ordered quickly.

"Are you sure?" the nurse asked concernedly.

"Yes," he replied quickly, trying more resuscitation. "Do it. Do it now." He watched as the nurse injected a syringe into Castle's I.V. as they struggled for a sign of life. The medicine itself takes time to work. Jacob knew that he had to buy a minute or two, and so he continued to push on Castle's chest with the help of one of the nurses. He had to circulate the oxygenated blood. He had to prevent the man's death. The longer the man went without a beating heart the higher the risk of brain damage.

"Come on, Castle," the young doctor hissed as he pushed down rather vigorously on the man's chest. "You don't get to do this. You can't die on me. Not today! The world needs you. You have to pull through this. I don't care what the circumstances are…"

"Sir?" the nurse looked to him for more advice. Jacob could not bring himself to stop the compressions, as several excruciatingly long minutes ticked by. His eyes jumped back and forth between the clock on the wall, the heart monitor, and the nurse squeezing the ambubag. She had the most important job of forcing oxygen into Castle's lungs. During the trip over, the paramedics had been lucky enough to intubate him so that oxygen could still be available to his body. Those who knew anything about medicine knew that the key to sustaining life and preventing organ damage is to circulate oxygenated blood. A special membrane in the alveoli of the lungs, allows oxygen to pass through a thin membrane and into adjacent blood vessels. There, it binds to hemoglobin and is circulated around the body to its oxygen dependent vital organs. Oxygenated blood circulation is vital for survival for the brain, heart, and lungs. Without oxygenated blood, these organs merely shut down. Without adequate blood flow to the heart, part of the muscle dies and cannot be repaired. Jacob had to do everything in his power to keep that from happening. Jacob jumped as an alarm started going off on the monitor next to him.

"It's working!" he shouted excitedly, "We got a single twitch contraction. Push another 2cc's of Atropine and one of epi." Dr. Strause watched as the woman followed orders without pause."

"So close. Come on, Castle," Jacob coached, "Come on, man! You can do this. Fight!" He stopped his ministrations and picked up the paddles again, they felt like their weight was too much to bear. This was their last shot. He had to get Castle's heart started again, or the man would be put on life support and left to struggle for months on end. They were already doing everything they could. Jacob jumped as two bodies rushed into the room.

"Castle!" Kate's voice was shrill as Esposito grabbed her around the middle trying to pull her back out of the room. Her eyes darted to Castle who was laying motionless on a metal table next to a deserted gurney in the middle of the room. He was hooked up to all sorts of wires. But the one thing she noticed immediately was the lack of a heartbeat sounding through the room.

"Who are you?" Jacob sounded immediately threatened. "And How did you get in here?" Jacob could scarcely hold back the rush of air from his lungs as she saw the matching bruises covering Kate's features and the traces of blood still caked in her hair.

"I'm his partner!" Kate yelled. "I followed him in from the ambulance bay. Oh my god. Is... Is he alive?" Kate tried to move forwards but Esposito and the other nurses blocked her way.

"I'm sorry," Jacob said quickly. "But you have to leave. I'm trying to work! Look, I need you to get out of here. You have to let me do my job!" Kate's eyes darted to the monitor then to the still body on the table. "Please!" Jacob yelled as another alarm started going off on the monitor. Kate's body shook under Esposito's hands as she watched the man ruthlessly bring the paddles down on Castle's chest. Once again, it shot up in the air. Kate jumped as a sound suddenly filled the room. Castle was choking. She stared, numbly at the body on the table. He was alive. Only she had to wonder if he would stay that way. Before she could think another thought, Castle's body seized up. He started seizing. She screamed, clapping a hand over her mouth. Slowly, inch by inch Esposito overpowered her and he pulled her away from the table, away from Castle. Away.

"He's seizing! Blood pressure is crashing," Jacob shouted. Nurses tried to hold his body down as it shook uncontrollably.

"We've got to go," the doctor spoke, as the situation seemed more volatile than ever. "He must have internal bleeding due to the GSW. We need to get him into surgery now!"

"Wait! Wait, please!" Kate cried, trying to make sense of it all. Jacob was forced to ignore her.

"Get him to OR 2 now! We've go to now!" Jacob replied to those around him.

"Please? Wait! Oh god, please… Please don't let him die." Kate's frantic tears told him that the uncertainty of the outcome was killing her inside.

"I'm sorry," was all Jacob could offer her as he and the others shoved the gurney past her and out of the room. "I'll keep you posted," he shouted over his shoulders as they ran. He stole one last look at Kate and then disappeared around the corner. This time Esposito couldn't keep her from sinking to the ground. She pushed him away as he tried to console her. Castle had been shot. The man she loved had been dead for god only knows how long, and the worst part was that she feared that the doctors wouldn't be able to keep him alive.

_**A/N: That's it for now! Please hit the review button and say a few words if you liked it. I will try to update soon! **_

_**~greygirl03**_


	3. Picking Up the Pieces

Title: Please Don't Leave Me

Category: TV Shows » Castle  
>Author: Greygirl03<br>Language: English, Rating: Rated: T

Genre: Drama/Suspense

Chapter 3: Pick Up the Pieces

**_Disclaimer: Sadly the amazing show that is Castle does not belong to me, nor does Nathan Fillion (as amazing as he his)!_**

**_A/N: Okay everyone. So first of all, I want to apologize for taking so long to post this. I have been very ill for the last few weeks and have had a really bad bit of writer's block. Together, both of these things have made it very hard for me to write. I finally gritted my teeth together and forced myself to come up with the next chapter. I promise I will try to be better about posting the next chapter. At the very least this is a partial resolution to the cliffhanger I left you with. I'm not going to give you a super long introduction, but I will say that this chapter picks up in the waiting room with Kate and the others. It then jumps a few days in time. Hopefully, you'll like it. I'm kind of impartial to the chapter, probably because I'm still feeling pretty under the weather. Please let me know how you like it. I can already hear some of the criticism in my head, but please try to give me the benefit of the doubt. Okay? Anyways... here's the next chapter! I also want to say one final thing. Thanks for sticking with me. And thanks for investing yourself in my story. I can't tell you how much it means to get such kind reviews from you guys! I find that you've always been great! I always try to listen!_**

_Don't let your mind get weary and confused__  
><em>_Your will be still, don't try__  
><em>_Don't let your heart get heavy child__  
><em>_Inside you there's a strength that lies_

Instead of going home like she had earlier anticipated, Kate had no choice but to go up to a private waiting room and wait with all of the others for some sort of news. She flipped absentmindedly through one magazine after another, watching the hands of the clock move millimeter by millimeter around the circle, before starting their progress all over again. She had no perception of time and how much it had passed, as she became too distracted by her own feelings. Despite the fact that she tried desperately not to, she kept revisiting that place in the dank, cold basement. She remembered the raw fear. She remembered the fear of being raped, violated, and Castle, who had protected her and kept her safe from those horrible things that seemed so inevitable. The rich smell of coffee wafted through the air around her, and Kate jumped slightly as she found herself back in the waiting room. She looked up to see one of the other officers from the twelfth precinct nursing a styrofoam cup as he sat chatting with one of the other officers from burglary. Her stomach rumbled loudly, reminding her she hadn't eaten in a long time now. But Kate couldn't even contemplate the notion of food at this point. Her stomach was twisted into countless knots, constantly churning in unrest. Her whole body seemed to be operating under extreme duress. Her head pounded relentlessly, and her hands went through fits where they started to shake and she could do nothing to steady them. She let out a sigh, reaching up to rub at the aching hollow of her stomach. She felt eyes on her, and knew that her friends couldn't help but analyze her ministrations. It was clear they were still worried she was going to break at some point. She looked thinner, frailer than usual. After all, she'd lost a little weight during their short captivity. Kate swallowed, trying to think of anything else, but those moments in that basement. To the best of her ability she tried to avoid any particular thought of the ninety-six hours she'd spent in that basement. At least that is how long she'd been told that she and Castle had been missing. To her, it felt like it could have been a week or more. There is just no describing what it is like…to think that at any moment your life will end. There were so many times that she thought that the end had come. There was no describing the horror of that feeling. There's no way to describe the thought that you'll never see your loved ones again. Kate's jaw clenched at the thought. Even now, time seemed to pass so slowly. It still felt as if it she had been sitting in that waiting room forever.

Most of the waiting room was full of others from the 12th precinct. Kate currently sat in a small cluster with Martha, Alexis, Esposito, Lanie, and Ryan in the corner. They were all very subdued by their own very solemn emotions. Jenny had kindly joined them for a little while, but ultimately she had to leave for work. Kate could tell that she felt bad for leaving because Ryan was in pretty bad shape. Out of all of them, Kate was naturally in the worst shape. Her eyes were red and bloodshot, and she couldn't bring herself to sleep. Every so often their new captain would check in with them to see how they were doing. They all kept saying that they were fine, only they all seemed to accept at the very same time that they were all a mess emotionally. And that wouldn't change until all of the unknowns were taken out of the equation and they knew that Castle was going to make it. Kate looked up as Ashley walked into the room, looking visibly upset. Kate hadn't realized the two men had grown so close, but as she stared at Ashley, she had no doubt in her mind that Ashley loved and respected Rick, despite all of the crazy things he had pulled in the time they'd known one another.

Kate's lips twitched in a weak smile as she remembered Castle's story about how they'd first met. After all, the first meeting between parent and boyfriend is essential for relationship success, and Ashley's first impression of Rick was about as scary as they came. Fortunately for Alexis, Ashley didn't let Castle scare him off. The 'first meeting' as Castle often called it, had occurred during a case in which they investigated a modern day duel with antique pistols. Kate and Rick had taken to a shooting range to test out the accuracy of each weapon, and in the mean time, Castle fell in love with one of the pistols. With a promise to keep it safe he was cleared to take it home with him. When he arrived back at the apartment, he could hear very faint, but distinct noises. Through the nearly opaque door on either side of the door he could see two shadows. Ever so carefully he slipped the key in the lock and twisted. A small audible click was heard, signaling he was free to enter and a mischievous smile crept onto his lips. He was determined to teach Alexis a lesson, or at the very least give her a fright. The truth was that Castle felt hurt over Alexis lack of sharing. After all, Castle thought that he should be her go to man and felt that she was supposed to talk to him about love. It was no secret that Castle was greatly affected by everything she did. Whether he meant for it to or not, his world revolved around Alexis. Anyhow, getting back to the rest of the story… Castle made the mistake of pulling out the pistol, and decided that it would be funny to brandish the weapon as they sprang apart. It didn't take a genius to figure out what they were doing. And that's not even mentioning the fact that Ashley's voice was an octave higher than usual. He stumbled over words, babbling incoherently as he tried to make a good impression. Ashley wound up fleeing for his life, but cared about Alexis to keep coming back. It took Castle a while to give the boy some credit but he finally did. Castle was just happy that Alexis had found a man whom loved her so unconditionally. After all, it wasn't surprising. Alexis had turned out to be an extraordinary young woman, herself.

Alexis jumped up and rushed over to him, burying her face in the boy's neck as he held her close. Kate watched the exchange with a sense of longing. She would give everything she had just to be able to do that with Castle again. She would hug him tightly, and never let go. Kate watched the young couple's interaction for a long moment. After a couple minutes of exchanging words and intimate touches, they slowly twined their fingers together and headed over. Kate looked down to the floor, trying to hide the tears that were still spilling over. She still felt the guilt like an anvil pushing down on her chest. She was so afraid that Martha and Alexis would resent her for Rick's choice despite the fact that Martha and Alexis both spent countless minutes trying to comfort and reassure her that they didn't blame her for any of it. A part of Kate wished they would. Kate reached up to wipe away her tears as Martha gave her shoulder a reassuring squeeze. Kate sniffled and looked up to meet the inquisitive eyes of her friend, who was sitting across from her in a chair next to Esposito.

"It has been hours," Kate finally remarked, "How much longer is it going to take?"

"Like I said before," Lanie breathed quietly, "In this case no news is good news, hon. Surgeries like this usually take a long time."

"I just don't know how much longer I can sit here like this," Kate breathed. "I can't do this. I… I don't know what to do."

"Shh," Lanie cooed softly. "Hey, I know that it kills you that you can't control this situation, but you have to be patient. He's a fighter, Kate. He loves you, and he's not going to go easily." Lanie took a deep breath. She knew what Kate told her before was very much personal, but she thought it would help Kate, so she decided to speak it aloud. "Do you remember what you told me? After you were shot?" She swallowed, speaking a little quieter under her breath. Kate leant forwards. "You told me that Castle had given you something to fight for. That he made you want to stay for him." Kate nodded. "Whether you ever told him you loved him, I don't know. But… I'm absolutely sure that he knows how you feel. He's not going to leave you, Kate."

"Still," Kate's voice sounded grated as she spoke. "When I was there in the grass and in so much pain that I couldn't even think straight. He was there. He was there, Lanie, saying all of these wonderful, perfect, and beautiful things. And I knew he was there. I could feel him there with me." Kate's voice broke at the end. "He was all alone. He spent his last hours alone, in a freezing cold, pitched black basement, wondering whether every moment would be his last. I abandoned him."

"No you didn't," Lanie argued emphatically. "You had no choice, Kate. You didn't abandon him at all. Your heart never left him. You wouldn't be sitting here, blaming yourself if you did." Kate sighed, her breaths hitching as she fought her own emotions. Deep in her heart she knew that Lanie was spot on, and she was grateful that Lanie could help her through this nightmare. Kate let out a deep tense breath, wiping at her bruised jaw. It did kill her inside, knowing that she had no control over what happened. All she could really do was offer one prayer up after another as she grasped onto her necklace, its chain and her mother's ring, for dear life. She jumped up as she saw her father walk into the room, looking forlorn and extremely disheveled. Though she was surprised to see him there, Kate reacted quickly and rushed over to him, wrapping her arms around him as she buried her face in his neck. It took a moment for Jim Beckett to catch his breath since Kate effectively knocked the air from his lungs.

"Oh, Katie," he breathed, kissing her forehead in a gesture of comfort. Kate pulled back to look at her father.

"How did you know to come?" Kate asked. "Who told you?"

"Lanie called me," Jim smiled sadly, wiping the tears from her face. "Oh, sweetie. I'm so sorry." Kate merely pulled him in for another hug, grateful to have him with her.

"Thank you for coming," Kate spoke earnestly as she finally released him.

"Of course," he swallowed sadly, "Anything for you. You know I'm fond of Rick. I'm still kind of hoping I'll get to call him my son someday."

"Dad," Kate laughed softly, "You're not supposed to say that."

"Why not?" Jim replied candidly, "He's the first one of your boyfriends I've ever liked." Kate laughed again, her eyes twinkling as her father's words warmed her heart. The laughter died, however, when she saw a male in blue scrubs and a white lab coat enter the room. He was clutching his scrub cap in a death grip in his hands.

* * *

><p><em>Don't let your soul get lonely child<em>_  
><em>_It's only time, it will go by__  
><em>_Don't look for love in faces, places__  
><em>_It's in you, that's where you'll find kindness_

"Hello," he announced. "I'm looking for the family of Richard Castle?" Kate felt her heart stop. She watched as Martha and Alexis stood up and approached him. Kate felt her father take her hand in his as they too walked over. She squeezed it with such a tight grip that it made her father wince slightly, but he held it in return, knowing she needed someone to keep her grounded.

"I'm Richard's mother," Martha piped up finally, after taking a moment to muster up enough strength for this conversation.

"Hi, I'm Dr. Cory Winstead. I'm one of the surgeons who worked on Richard." he greeted softly, "It's nice to meet you. I'm so sorry that it had to be under these circumstances." He swallowed, looking quite uncomfortable. Kate held her breath as she waited for him to continue. "This…Well, it isn't going to be an easy conversation to have, so I'm just going to get right to it. As I mentioned… I was one of the attending surgeons involved in Richard's surgery." The small group merely nodded.

"How is he?" the words were past Kate's lips before she could stop them.

"It's uh… It's hard to say at this point," the doctor replied softly. "I want to clarify something now. I want to be optimistic. Richard seems like a hell of a fighter. Even so, I think it's safe to say that Richard has truly been to hell and back over the last eight hours." A beat of silence passed, and the doctor continued. "We did all we could to repair the internal damage from all of his injuries, but because of significant bleeding we had to remove his spleen, and his left kidney in order to stop most of the bleeding." Kate swallowed thickly. She hadn't expected good news, but what the doctor was saying was still very hard to hear. "The good news is that Richard has made it out of surgery. Even so, he is very dehydrated and has lost a lot of blood from his injuries. At this point, it is really hard to say if he's going to pull through or not. Specifically, there is a lot of concern in regards to his vital organs. Richard's heart muscle was asystolic for a very long period of time. We kept him on ice to in an effort to prevent cellular death, but it's hard to say if he'll escape this ordeal without some kind of brain damage." He paused again to take another breath. "We are gradually warming him up now, so we'll continue to monitor his progress and will hopefully have a more concrete answer to give you soon." Kate squeezed her eyes shut, but then opened them when she realized the man wasn't finished. "Richard also had a quite a few broken bones. For starters he has several fractured ribs, a fractured humerus, a broken clavicle and scapula, as well as several broken bones in his face, including the temporal and zygomatic bones. The Orthopedic Surgeon has set and immobilized his arm to help the healing progress. It is the request of the leading surgeon, that Castle be kept sedated for a set period in order to help with his injuries." He paused again to take a deep breath. "If Richard makes it through the next twenty four hours we can give him a fair prognosis for recovery, but even so, we're talking about weeks, not days." Kate felt her heart leap in her chest as she thought about the ordeal Richard would be put through. He let out a sigh. "There's also another matter of deep concern," Dr. Winstead forced himself to speak. Kate swallowed, listening as Dr. Winstead let out a ragged breath. She figured whatever came next wasn't good news. Not that there wasn't a whole lot of that to go around already.

"What's wrong?" Kate asked, her hands starting to shake. Her father sensing her distress, reminded her of his presence with a squeeze of her hand. It helped somewhat, but Kate was still having a hard time processing what she was hearing.

"Castle was stabbed with a serrated knife, which…even though the wound was stitched up and cared for, it still contained a large amount of bacteria," he spoke slowly.

"So what you're trying to say is… that the wound got infected somehow," Kate repeated slowly, wanting to make sure she understood.

"Yes," he nodded, grateful for Kate's question.

"But it was a shallow wound, wasn't it?" Kate asked hopefully.

"Yes… But unfortunately its just not that simple," he argued softly, "Castle…err Rick is about as weak… and vulnerable as they come right now." He held Kate's eyes as he struggled to continue. "What I'm trying to say is that the knife used to stab Castle wasn't clean. The fact that they stitched him up without cleaning the wound thoroughly, has led to a very severe and life threatening situation."

"Life threatening?" Ryan scoffed.

"He's septic," Dr. Winstead clarified, "The infection is in his bloodstream, and it is showing resistance to the antibiotics we've given him."

"Oh god," Kate felt as if the floor was falling out from underneath her. She didn't need someone to tell her what that meant. An infection in the bloodstream is bad. Very bad.

"I guess what I'm trying to say is that this could lengthen his recovery time and will affect our visitation policy. We're going to have to make sure he's not exposed to any viruses or bacteria whatsoever." Kate nodded, feeling as if she were in shock. She should have known.

"Will we be able to see him?" Alexis asked meekly.

"Well," Dr. Winstead replied, "Richard is currently in the ICU and will be kept there for a while. They have very strict regulations in regards to who can see him and when, but those who are a part of the immediate family can see him one at a time." Alexis nodded. "He's still in recovery and hasn't been moved up to his room yet, but I'll have someone come get you when he's settled and you can visit with him for a little while." Kate swallowed. "If you don't mind me asking, are you his daughter?"

"Yeah," Alexis nodded, "This is my grandmother, and Kate," Alexis indicated with a gesture, "She is my Dad's partner."

"Partner?" Dr. Winstead's brow furrowed slightly.

"She means fiancé," Martha corrected. Kate nearly choked on the air in her lungs as the doctor met her eyes. It took all of her self-restraint to keep her face an unreadable, indecipherable mask. She knew it was wrong to lie, but the thought and the fear of not being able to see him was too much for her to correct Martha. Kate still couldn't believe it was happening. She saw his eyes dart to the ring hanging around her neck. She had never been so fortunate to be wearing her mother's wedding ring. He nodded, as if he were satisfied with the evidence.

"Okay," he cleared his throat, "Well, like I said, I'll be back to let you know when you can see him." Kate nodded, wordlessly. He gave one final inclination of his head and retreated. Kate finally released her father's hand as Martha turned to face her.

"I hope you don't mind the little white lie," Martha breathed, "But I know that Rick would want you to be able to see him." Kate nodded dumbly.

"I… I appreciate the thought," Kate finally spoke, her voice quavering. "But are you sure?"

"Of course," Martha smiled. "My son loves you Kate. And you love him. Why shouldn't you be able to see him?"

"It's just…" Kate's voice cracked as her emotions took over, pure, raw, unrestrained emotions that caused her shoulders to wrack with sobs. Tears were already leaking from her eyes. "Excuse me," she cried, as she started running for the door. She was feeling so embarrassed. After all, she was supposed to be the strong one.

* * *

><p><em>Don't lose your faith in me<em>_  
><em>_And I will try not to lose faith in you__  
><em>_Don't put your trust in walls__  
><em>_'Cause walls will only crush you when they fall_

The next five days passed in a blur. Kate stayed at the hospital as much as she could, but also wanted to carry on the case. They were now working in conjunction with the DEA in a series of raids that were supposed to cripple drug trafficking into and out of the city. She knew in her heart that it was what Castle would have wanted her to do. Her shoulders ached, as she finally made it to the hospital. She checked her watch again as she parked her Harley in the visitor's garage and froze. How had time flown by in the way it had. She climbed off of her motorcycle, fastened her helmet and locked it onto the seat. Then she turned away and broke out into a flat out run through the doors. She couldn't believe that she'd missed visiting hours. She slipped into the elevator and rode it up to the ICU. She knew she was late, but she just had to see him. The longer she was kept away from him, the more painful it became. She needed to see him…to verify that he was okay with her own eyes.

She moved down the hallway quickly, hoping to avoid the nurses on the floor. It wasn't an easy feat, since the ICU had so much staffing. Kate tiptoed, looking around corners as she stealthily sneaked through the halls. She finally made it into his room with a sigh of relief. She grabbed a surgical mask, a tunic, and a pair of gloves and slipped them on before moving inside. He was sleeping soundly from the looks of it, and he looked so peaceful that it calmed her. She felt her heart start to pound a bit more vigorously in her chest as she crossed the expanse of the room and sat in the chair at his bedside. Martha had called earlier to let her know that Rick had apparently been up and talking. He'd adamantly insisted on seeing Kate, but had fallen back into unconsciousness rather quickly. From what she'd heard, he'd been in and out of consciousness, confused about where he was and why. The doctor thought that he might have a mild case of retrograde amnesia. The emotional trauma of thinking he was going to die, coupled with the physical trauma could more than account for the amnesia.

Kate let out a sigh as she took his hand in hers. She wanted more than anything to be able to kiss him, but cared enough about his well being to exercise caution and restrained herself from doing so. His health and progress were still very up and down at this point, and she didn't want to risk anything. The fact was, until the infection could be controlled appropriately with medication, Rick was still fighting for his life.

"How did you get in here?" the voice of a disgruntled nurse from the doorway, had Kate turning in her chair. "Visiting hours are over."

"I know…I know," Kate stuttered, "I'm sorry, but I just got out of work and I wanted…I needed a couple minutes with him."

"I'm sorry, Detective Beckett, but rules are rules. It is hospital policy that no one be allowed to stay after visiting hours. I really must insist," the nurse took a step into the room.

"Please," Kate swallowed. Then an interesting thought occurred to her. The nurse couldn't make her leave if… The audible sound of metal clicking into place could be heard around the room, as Kate dared to do the unthinkable. You're probably thinking that there is no way that Kate would ever go there. But believe me when I say that she totally went there. Kate Beckett, the very same Kate Beckett who was always a strict observer of all rules and regulations, dared to defy the hospital's own rules, thereby, handcuffing herself to the bed. The nurse sent a threatening glare in Kate's direction, but Kate felt anything but threatened. Because she knew…She knew that they would never dare to pry her away from Castle's bed. They weren't that mean. For this very same reason, Kate couldn't keep the wry smile from gracing her lips as she spoke. "Whoops. Well, will you look at that?" Kate looked around. "Oh crap… Where did I put that key? You know what? It could take me a while to find it. You might want to call security. Maybe they might have one."

"Funny," the nurse breathed, a smile tugging at the corner of her lips. "That's funny, Detective."

"What can I say?" Kate quirked a brow, hoping the nurse wouldn't hate her too much. After all, Casey really was quite nice. "I'm pretty desperate."

"You must really love him, don't you?" Casey said finally.

"Yeah," Kate smiled. "I kind of do."

"Okay," she breathed. "Look, you can stay here, but only for a little while. And it'll have to be our little secret, alright?"

"Yes. I promise," Kate smiled. "Thank you." The nurse nodded, before walking over to close the blinds. Within another minute, she disappeared out the door. Kate let out a sigh a relief, staring at the door for a long minute. She waited for her eyes to adjust to the level of darkness in the room. She jumped as a voice suddenly came from beside her.

"You know," a low raspy voice breathed above the noisy din of machines in the room. "If you were that desperate, you could have just handcuffed yourself to me a long time ago."

"Well," Kate swallowed as she met the most beautiful pair of blue eyes she'd ever seen. "You know me. I like to play hard to get."

"True… That's definitely true," Castle smiled crookedly. His face was still pretty swollen with the remnants of several broken bones. His left cheek was a mixture of purple and green hues. "So…Hi."

"Hey, partner," Kate breathed softly. She ran her hand up and down along the skin of his forearm. "How are you feeling?"

"Better. Now that you are here," Castle took a deep, hitching breath. Kate swallowed, feeling her heart race out of control as he tugged on her hand. "Come lay with me."

"Rick," Kate's voice was thick with emotion. She couldn't have even begun to tell him how much she wanted to curl up with him, but she couldn't risk it. "You have no idea how much I want to, but I can't."

"Katie, Please," Rick looked pained.

"I can't," she sighed, "It's too risky. And it's not worth it. You… You have to get better first."

"I am," Rick argued.

"No," Kate shook her head, "Just because you woke up doesn't mean everything is fine. You nearly died, Rick. You… You were shot, and you had to have two organs removed because of internal bleeding."

"I know what my injuries are, Kate," Rick said with frustration.

"Then you also know that you're sick?" Kate said pointedly.

"Yes," Rick swallowed. "But I'm fine. It's just an infection. I feel fine. I'm a little cold, but that's it."

"It's not that I don't want to," Kate breathed, pulling on her hair.

"Yeah. Right. Okay. I get it." Castle nodded, turning his neck away from her as he closed his eyes. He let out a deep breath, as if his actions didn't already speak to his emotion.

"Don't say it like that, Rick," Kate sounded aggravated. "Don't you dare act like I don't mean it," Kate threatened, finding herself getting very emotional. She released his hand, as tears started to build in her eyes and spill over. "Damn it," Kate muttered under her breath.

"Wait. Please. Please don't cry," Rick pleaded softly. "I'm sorry, Kate. God, I can be such an ass sometimes. I'm so sorry. I just… All I've known since I woke up was that I need you." His jaw clenched as he reached up to rub the tears from his own eyes. He cleared his throat. "They told me we were held somewhere. That we were tortured and I… I don't remember any of it. They kept telling me that you were fine… that you were a hell of a lot better off than I was, but I couldn't believe them. Not until I saw you."

"I'm fine," Kate swallowed. She reached into her pocket and pulled out the handcuff key. She fumbled with it in the lock and freed herself from the railing before finally standing up so she could sit on the edge of his bed. "See? I don't have a single scratch to show for it."

"Good," Castle replied, "Because I don't think I could bear it if something happened to you, or if someone hurt you." Kate pulled off her mask and leant forwards, running her hand gently over his cheek.

"You really can't remember any of it?" Kate looked as if she was in pain. She wasn't sure if she was happy about that fact or not. What he went through… the sort of things he'd been put through in the time they were held captive, no person should have to carry around with them. She thought that maybe…just maybe, he was better off not knowing.

"No," he swallowed. He inhaled her scent as she pulled back the mask and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

He quickly latched onto her, taking her hands in his. He closed his eyes, nuzzling her neck gently. It was her undoing. Carefully she slid next to him, melting into him. She was careful not to touch him, but instead, she let Rick place her hands where he wanted them. She didn't realize how emotional she truly was until her body started to shake with sobs. It was a mixture of relief and reliving the fear that she was going to lose him.

"Shh," he breathed, stroking her hair with his good arm. "It's alright. I'm fine. Everything is going to be okay, Kate. I promise."

"I love you," Kate sniffled, hugging him tightly. She heard Castle's breathing hitch slightly.

"I love you too," Castle breathed, kissing the top of her head. "I love you so much."

_Be here now, here now__  
><em>_Be here now, here now_

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><p><strong><em>AN: So that's it for now. Obviously, there's a lot still to come. I will try to update soon! Please review and tell me what you thought. I'm open for suggestions on where you'd like to see this go since I'm having such a severe case of writer's block. Hope you enjoyed it!_**


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